Last month, the group celebrated its 4th anniversary. 4 years. And there are a few who have stuck it out. They're (almost) all in college now - of the original 4 in that first year, 2 are in college (and siblings), 1 is working in retail as a manager, and 1 is in school (more on that in a bit). 3 of them attend whenever they can, 2 of those at least once a month, and due to circumstances, every week at the moment. While they're definitely still young, they are definitely heading into their 20s, and never cease to make my heart swell. Their dedication and willingness to be good role models is just amazing. I find it heartening. And gives me hope.
H has always been a dreamer. An artist. A strong young man. He's always had a heart of gold, and was the first to swear to protect me, even willing to dress as a woman to run with me in a race. He's the one who had everyone sign a birthday card for me one year. And he's the one I drove home every week for almost 2 years, creating a bond that has sustained both of us. Last summer, when my nephew came to an event, H played with him for hours, and became N's hero. Last year, he took a few classes at a local two-year college, waiting to get into his four-year college. He'd love to be an art therapist, but knows he can't make it through school.
He comes from a private family, one that doesn't talk about their laundry outside of the laundry room. He has an family member, P, who is ten years his elder, who is supposed to help him make his way in life.
H has aspirations.
This year, he started at his four-year college, and the fall semester seemed to go well. But then the economy struck. Due to some happenings at home and a mix of bad timing and more stringent rules, he got shut out of a process he was eligible for.
Getting shut out of this, has meant that he has to take a semester off school, and has to come up with a solution to a rather large problem. For the last few weeks, I've been trying to trouble-shoot with him.
Luckily, a former colleague works at the university, and has offered to help. And help he has. But H still needs more support from his family to reconcile the problem. And he can't get it (it isn't that they're not willing, but even P isn't able to help this time around).
And I'm getting frustrated. Here we are, a society who prides itself at making opportunities avaialble to all young people, no matter their economic backgrounds, race, creed, sexuality, etc. And we'll set them up, but the safety net that is supposed to help catch them when they falter has disappeared. For H, this is having horrible effects. He requires a little additional help, but when you give it to him, he does exactly what he needs to do - but without it, without a little guidance, he gets lost in the shuffle.
I wish I had the resources to help him. I wish I could offer him the support he really needs. But all I can do is hook him in with people I know and help trouble-shoot.
If we, as a society, are really going to make this an equal-opportunity society, then we need to fess up and set up those safety nets. We need to commit ourselves to advocating for those who need it. We need to answer the call.
Watching H falter is painful. Luckily, he's still dreaming. But I hear those dreams getting darker every day. And if H stops dreaming, then what?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Conflict & Communication
My recent lack of posts is certainly not because of a lack of activity. In fact, I'd say that the youth have been as active as ever. The youth who graduated from high school are now Mentors, and have been taking a lot of leadership and mentoring roles with the younger youth. It has been a fun process to watch. Some of the current group members have just blossomed into leaders themselves. Encouring them just a little has proven to bring out their inner-leaders. And they tend to be at least a few steps ahead of me in the project we're working on.
All the great things, though, have not necessarily meant that things have been easy. We've faced some conflict, which has tested us. But we've come out of that stronger, and more sure of ourselves.
In the midst of it, though, it was painful. It was really difficult to hear from these youth, who have so little, but give so much, about challenges they were having, and being frustrated with processes and plans. Being frustrated about how they were being treated by other adults and other youth. Being unsure about how they should negotiate these troubles, while still giving projects their all.
My biggest challenge was hearing their frustration, and knowing it was affecting their work. Listening to their frustration but not being able to do anything about it. And engaging them in conversation without laying blame on anyone for the problems.
But, I think we've come out the other side... A few weeks ago, the other advisor and I sat down with all of them, and just talked. It was a really good talk. We encouraged confidentiality, honesty and just being open. And we didn't make any promises we couldn't keep. And I think it worked. I think many of them, though not all, have re-committed themselves to working together and giving their best. We're really sorry to see one or two still struggle with their commitments. And we certainly haven't resolved everything. However, it was a good start.
It just goes to show that open and honest communication is the key.
All the great things, though, have not necessarily meant that things have been easy. We've faced some conflict, which has tested us. But we've come out of that stronger, and more sure of ourselves.
In the midst of it, though, it was painful. It was really difficult to hear from these youth, who have so little, but give so much, about challenges they were having, and being frustrated with processes and plans. Being frustrated about how they were being treated by other adults and other youth. Being unsure about how they should negotiate these troubles, while still giving projects their all.
My biggest challenge was hearing their frustration, and knowing it was affecting their work. Listening to their frustration but not being able to do anything about it. And engaging them in conversation without laying blame on anyone for the problems.
But, I think we've come out the other side... A few weeks ago, the other advisor and I sat down with all of them, and just talked. It was a really good talk. We encouraged confidentiality, honesty and just being open. And we didn't make any promises we couldn't keep. And I think it worked. I think many of them, though not all, have re-committed themselves to working together and giving their best. We're really sorry to see one or two still struggle with their commitments. And we certainly haven't resolved everything. However, it was a good start.
It just goes to show that open and honest communication is the key.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
The Importance of Election Night
So it is November 4th, and the youth and I have our usual meeting that ends at 8:00. I don't get out of there until after 8:45, which is fine. It had been a very productive meeting, even if the turnout was small. The youth were interested in the election and we did talk about it for a while. It was an interesting discussion.
One of the youth, R, hadn't been able to make it that night. He was working late on a project, which he let me know about earlier in the evening. After I got home, and started watching the election night coverage (which I was anxious to see!), he texted to ask how the night went. I told him, and said hopefully he'd be able to make it next week (since it is Veteran's Day, we'll do a special dinner first). He was in complete agreement.
And then he started texting about the election. Firstly, I should mention that R has been very interested in all that's been going on. He submitted questions for the Town Hall-style debate, and seemed to be really engaged. His parents are Haitian, and so identifies himself as black. He's young and not yet able to vote.
It started out with "can you believe this is happening?" and then went on from there - he texted me every time there was a speech coming on (McCain, Obama), or after they were done. He commented on how good they were. And how amazing it was to see so many people in Chicago. And how he was so inspired.
I loved it. Firstly, that he would want to share this with me - and late into the night. I was honored. And entertained - since I'd made it clear that I was watching it all - but yet he still wanted to make sure I knew what was going on. It was awesome. It was a way to experience the election in a way that I'd never anticipated. It was sharing a unique moment in time with someone for whom it was even more important than for me.
Yesterday, the day after the election, I called one of the Elders, J, just to see how he was experiencing it. Mind you, this is a young man who had been saying that he was going to be President one day. J, too, comes from Haitian immigrant parents. It was interesting because he said he hadn't really gotten caught up in it all, until he saw how everyone else was reacting. That is what inspired him. That is what excited him. That is what gave him hope. That others were feeling the importance and the excitement of a new President who is blazing a new path for young men like J and like R. So I asked J if his goal was still to be President? And whether he was bummed he wouldn't be the first black president (ok, so I was being a bit facetious). And he said, well, Obama is the first half African-American one, so we still have a way to go.
For me, I'm excited that Obama is empowering these young men. I continue to hope that race will not play a role in our politics, even though I guess it will. But that, while these young men were young, it became clear that your race does not have to hold you back in this country. This is especially important considering the frequency with which these wonderful, inspiring, intelligent and giving young men experience racism, and often in an overt way.
I hope we continue to have these open discussions - we've always acknowledged race, and that there is still overt racism. For me, to deny that, would be to partake in it. But I hope, as Obama's Administration begins to be put together, he continues to inspire these young men, and that they continue acknowledge their race, but see that it doesn't define them. And I hope they continue to feel as though they can share these pieces with me, because they are treasures, and I'm honored to hold them.
One of the youth, R, hadn't been able to make it that night. He was working late on a project, which he let me know about earlier in the evening. After I got home, and started watching the election night coverage (which I was anxious to see!), he texted to ask how the night went. I told him, and said hopefully he'd be able to make it next week (since it is Veteran's Day, we'll do a special dinner first). He was in complete agreement.
And then he started texting about the election. Firstly, I should mention that R has been very interested in all that's been going on. He submitted questions for the Town Hall-style debate, and seemed to be really engaged. His parents are Haitian, and so identifies himself as black. He's young and not yet able to vote.
It started out with "can you believe this is happening?" and then went on from there - he texted me every time there was a speech coming on (McCain, Obama), or after they were done. He commented on how good they were. And how amazing it was to see so many people in Chicago. And how he was so inspired.
I loved it. Firstly, that he would want to share this with me - and late into the night. I was honored. And entertained - since I'd made it clear that I was watching it all - but yet he still wanted to make sure I knew what was going on. It was awesome. It was a way to experience the election in a way that I'd never anticipated. It was sharing a unique moment in time with someone for whom it was even more important than for me.
Yesterday, the day after the election, I called one of the Elders, J, just to see how he was experiencing it. Mind you, this is a young man who had been saying that he was going to be President one day. J, too, comes from Haitian immigrant parents. It was interesting because he said he hadn't really gotten caught up in it all, until he saw how everyone else was reacting. That is what inspired him. That is what excited him. That is what gave him hope. That others were feeling the importance and the excitement of a new President who is blazing a new path for young men like J and like R. So I asked J if his goal was still to be President? And whether he was bummed he wouldn't be the first black president (ok, so I was being a bit facetious). And he said, well, Obama is the first half African-American one, so we still have a way to go.
For me, I'm excited that Obama is empowering these young men. I continue to hope that race will not play a role in our politics, even though I guess it will. But that, while these young men were young, it became clear that your race does not have to hold you back in this country. This is especially important considering the frequency with which these wonderful, inspiring, intelligent and giving young men experience racism, and often in an overt way.
I hope we continue to have these open discussions - we've always acknowledged race, and that there is still overt racism. For me, to deny that, would be to partake in it. But I hope, as Obama's Administration begins to be put together, he continues to inspire these young men, and that they continue acknowledge their race, but see that it doesn't define them. And I hope they continue to feel as though they can share these pieces with me, because they are treasures, and I'm honored to hold them.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
The little things...
Sometimes, as adults, I think we forget how the little things we do for young people can seem to mean so much.
A few months ago, one of the youth asked to borrow some money - based on fact that they were all going to get paid for a certain project. Z took me aside, and quietly asked. Not because Z wanted the newest sneakers, but because Z wanted to show how much they appreciated one of their friends (ok, I know that sentence would reallly bug my dad; I'm talking about one person, yet using the plural pronoun, but their gender is irrelevent in this story, so there you go...). It was not a lot of money, but Z clearly was not completely comfortable asking. We off went to the ATM and got the money.
And I knew I'd get it back. And last night, I did. In an envelope, placed into my bag when I wasn't looking. It was clearly the bringing together of multiple 'pots' of money. And the thank you note that went with it, was touching. The way that Z crafted their thank you. The time that went into it. It was touching. I hadn't realized how something so little, which I didn't really even think about, could cause such great gratitude.
I consider it my job to be a good role model. And I work hard at that. I'm not trying to be their friend, but I am trying to be someone they can trust, someone they can turn to for help. And this latest 'event' has shown that maybe it is easier than I think. Sure we have boundaries (I keep my private life to myself, and don't want to hear the details of their relationships), but I love that they respect that.
It may not be in my job description, but I think these little things are the most important things that I do.
A few months ago, one of the youth asked to borrow some money - based on fact that they were all going to get paid for a certain project. Z took me aside, and quietly asked. Not because Z wanted the newest sneakers, but because Z wanted to show how much they appreciated one of their friends (ok, I know that sentence would reallly bug my dad; I'm talking about one person, yet using the plural pronoun, but their gender is irrelevent in this story, so there you go...). It was not a lot of money, but Z clearly was not completely comfortable asking. We off went to the ATM and got the money.
And I knew I'd get it back. And last night, I did. In an envelope, placed into my bag when I wasn't looking. It was clearly the bringing together of multiple 'pots' of money. And the thank you note that went with it, was touching. The way that Z crafted their thank you. The time that went into it. It was touching. I hadn't realized how something so little, which I didn't really even think about, could cause such great gratitude.
I consider it my job to be a good role model. And I work hard at that. I'm not trying to be their friend, but I am trying to be someone they can trust, someone they can turn to for help. And this latest 'event' has shown that maybe it is easier than I think. Sure we have boundaries (I keep my private life to myself, and don't want to hear the details of their relationships), but I love that they respect that.
It may not be in my job description, but I think these little things are the most important things that I do.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Evaluation
This year, in light of many changes, and the fact that sometimes I think it is good to do something differently, we're conducting our evaluation in a new way. Traditionally, our 'evaluator' has come in and done surveys with the youth - all very youth-0riented, of course, and then created a report (or promised a report) based on that.
This year, we took it into our own hands. In light of the recent departure of the "Elders", we decided that it would be good to have our first-ever "Mandatory Meeting". Glugh. And then, on top of that, we had one on one meetings with ALL the youth. Sounds like a tall order, right?
It hasn't been. The evaluation, in the form of questions that we each (yes, me too) wrote our own responses to, was very informative. Although I have yet to write the report, I think it'll show a lot of diversity, and a desire to lead.
The individual meetings have been wonderful. What a great opportunity it has been to get to spend some time with them all one-on-one. And oh how quickly the time goes by. The greatest piece is that they ALL want to take on the newer leadership roles - and they want to step up their individual games. They all have ideas on what that looks like, and how that fits together - but it has been inspiring to see them all want to take on new pieces of these puzzles.
I'm excited. Although we have yet to iron out all the details, I think when we come together this week, we'll have a clearer understanding of where we each stand. We'll begin work on some of their new project ideas, and then wipe the rest of the board completely clean, and watch us fill it up again. As they've opened up to me, I've opened up to them, and I think that's helped - at least a bit! :)
This evaluation is leading to a new beginning, one where I hope each person feels as though they are an important part of the puzzle. Because, whether they know it or not, each one of those youth has carved out a niche in my heart for themselves - even when I didn't think I could fit any more niches in.
Gotta love this work, I think I continue to learn more and gain more from this experience than they do...I just hope they know it! :)
This year, we took it into our own hands. In light of the recent departure of the "Elders", we decided that it would be good to have our first-ever "Mandatory Meeting". Glugh. And then, on top of that, we had one on one meetings with ALL the youth. Sounds like a tall order, right?
It hasn't been. The evaluation, in the form of questions that we each (yes, me too) wrote our own responses to, was very informative. Although I have yet to write the report, I think it'll show a lot of diversity, and a desire to lead.
The individual meetings have been wonderful. What a great opportunity it has been to get to spend some time with them all one-on-one. And oh how quickly the time goes by. The greatest piece is that they ALL want to take on the newer leadership roles - and they want to step up their individual games. They all have ideas on what that looks like, and how that fits together - but it has been inspiring to see them all want to take on new pieces of these puzzles.
I'm excited. Although we have yet to iron out all the details, I think when we come together this week, we'll have a clearer understanding of where we each stand. We'll begin work on some of their new project ideas, and then wipe the rest of the board completely clean, and watch us fill it up again. As they've opened up to me, I've opened up to them, and I think that's helped - at least a bit! :)
This evaluation is leading to a new beginning, one where I hope each person feels as though they are an important part of the puzzle. Because, whether they know it or not, each one of those youth has carved out a niche in my heart for themselves - even when I didn't think I could fit any more niches in.
Gotta love this work, I think I continue to learn more and gain more from this experience than they do...I just hope they know it! :)
Friday, September 26, 2008
When the young emulate the old(er)
We're experiencing a new phenomenon in the group. As I mentioned, we're having a bit of a changing of the guard, with all the old(er) youth away at college, the dynamics have really changed. Some of the 'middle' group - the ones who have been around for more than a year - have started fidgeting. And some of the 'younger' group have not quite stepped up as the middle ones expected. Fair enough.
So this week, one of the other adults involved lead a session in which we all dug deep and remembered why we were there, and what we brought to the group - as well as what the group brought to us. It was a great exercise. It made me think about how I had communicated a certain way for so long, and that worked fine with the older group. But this newer group isn't the same, obviously.
After we poured our thoughts onto paper, we started a discussion. One of the middle groupers, S, suggested that we really needed to have people step up and have roles, just like the older ones had had.
I was tickled pink by that! It had never even occurred to me that as soon as the middlers were the older ones, they'd take on the same ownership! Not that I didn't think they could do it - I absolutely do. But that they would WANT to step up so readily - and clearly feel like they were ready. That I loved.
A couple of the newest kids even stepped up and shared what some of their strengths were - what they could bring to the group.
I guess I've been so caught up in trying to get things done, and keep things going, that I forgot to stop and think about what the new group would look like. And who would step up. It speaks volumes to the older yutes, that these new middlers emulate them so much, and now want to have roles just like they did.
Leadership in yutes - it just keeps paying off.
And I'm loving it!
So this week, one of the other adults involved lead a session in which we all dug deep and remembered why we were there, and what we brought to the group - as well as what the group brought to us. It was a great exercise. It made me think about how I had communicated a certain way for so long, and that worked fine with the older group. But this newer group isn't the same, obviously.
After we poured our thoughts onto paper, we started a discussion. One of the middle groupers, S, suggested that we really needed to have people step up and have roles, just like the older ones had had.
I was tickled pink by that! It had never even occurred to me that as soon as the middlers were the older ones, they'd take on the same ownership! Not that I didn't think they could do it - I absolutely do. But that they would WANT to step up so readily - and clearly feel like they were ready. That I loved.
A couple of the newest kids even stepped up and shared what some of their strengths were - what they could bring to the group.
I guess I've been so caught up in trying to get things done, and keep things going, that I forgot to stop and think about what the new group would look like. And who would step up. It speaks volumes to the older yutes, that these new middlers emulate them so much, and now want to have roles just like they did.
Leadership in yutes - it just keeps paying off.
And I'm loving it!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Finding New Talents
Tonight, the teens and I were working on a grant application. I'd outlined most of it, based on their ideas for the project. But some substance still needed to be added, and in true youth development fashion, they had to answer a couple of the questions.
One of the youth tonight is relatively new. I've noticed that she's a smart one, and also an amazingly caring and otherwise talented one. But it wasn't until she began re-phrasing some of the application that I realized how amazing her writing talents are.
N drafted the responses to the questions they had to answer, carefully selecting every word; and keeping the best to the very last sentence - "to blow them away," she said. Blow THEM away? She blew ME away.
I had stepped out of the room, to give them all a chance to really focus on their questions without me there. And after a few minutes N came to me and told me she didn't like how I'd phrased the goal, and what did I think of this new phrasing she came up with. Hm. I took one look at it and new I was in the presence of greatness.
This is the benefit of having the younger youth step up: they get their own times to shine, too. And shine they will.
I'm truely lucky to work with such a great bunch of youth. And grateful for N's passion for writing...
One of the youth tonight is relatively new. I've noticed that she's a smart one, and also an amazingly caring and otherwise talented one. But it wasn't until she began re-phrasing some of the application that I realized how amazing her writing talents are.
N drafted the responses to the questions they had to answer, carefully selecting every word; and keeping the best to the very last sentence - "to blow them away," she said. Blow THEM away? She blew ME away.
I had stepped out of the room, to give them all a chance to really focus on their questions without me there. And after a few minutes N came to me and told me she didn't like how I'd phrased the goal, and what did I think of this new phrasing she came up with. Hm. I took one look at it and new I was in the presence of greatness.
This is the benefit of having the younger youth step up: they get their own times to shine, too. And shine they will.
I'm truely lucky to work with such a great bunch of youth. And grateful for N's passion for writing...
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