The Importance of Election Night

So it is November 4th, and the youth and I have our usual meeting that ends at 8:00. I don't get out of there until after 8:45, which is fine. It had been a very productive meeting, even if the turnout was small. The youth were interested in the election and we did talk about it for a while. It was an interesting discussion.
One of the youth, R, hadn't been able to make it that night. He was working late on a project, which he let me know about earlier in the evening. After I got home, and started watching the election night coverage (which I was anxious to see!), he texted to ask how the night went. I told him, and said hopefully he'd be able to make it next week (since it is Veteran's Day, we'll do a special dinner first). He was in complete agreement.
And then he started texting about the election. Firstly, I should mention that R has been very interested in all that's been going on. He submitted questions for the Town Hall-style debate, and seemed to be really engaged. His parents are Haitian, and so identifies himself as black. He's young and not yet able to vote.
It started out with "can you believe this is happening?" and then went on from there - he texted me every time there was a speech coming on (McCain, Obama), or after they were done. He commented on how good they were. And how amazing it was to see so many people in Chicago. And how he was so inspired.
I loved it. Firstly, that he would want to share this with me - and late into the night. I was honored. And entertained - since I'd made it clear that I was watching it all - but yet he still wanted to make sure I knew what was going on. It was awesome. It was a way to experience the election in a way that I'd never anticipated. It was sharing a unique moment in time with someone for whom it was even more important than for me.
Yesterday, the day after the election, I called one of the Elders, J, just to see how he was experiencing it. Mind you, this is a young man who had been saying that he was going to be President one day. J, too, comes from Haitian immigrant parents. It was interesting because he said he hadn't really gotten caught up in it all, until he saw how everyone else was reacting. That is what inspired him. That is what excited him. That is what gave him hope. That others were feeling the importance and the excitement of a new President who is blazing a new path for young men like J and like R. So I asked J if his goal was still to be President? And whether he was bummed he wouldn't be the first black president (ok, so I was being a bit facetious). And he said, well, Obama is the first half African-American one, so we still have a way to go.
For me, I'm excited that Obama is empowering these young men. I continue to hope that race will not play a role in our politics, even though I guess it will. But that, while these young men were young, it became clear that your race does not have to hold you back in this country. This is especially important considering the frequency with which these wonderful, inspiring, intelligent and giving young men experience racism, and often in an overt way.
I hope we continue to have these open discussions - we've always acknowledged race, and that there is still overt racism. For me, to deny that, would be to partake in it. But I hope, as Obama's Administration begins to be put together, he continues to inspire these young men, and that they continue acknowledge their race, but see that it doesn't define them. And I hope they continue to feel as though they can share these pieces with me, because they are treasures, and I'm honored to hold them.

The little things...

Sometimes, as adults, I think we forget how the little things we do for young people can seem to mean so much.
A few months ago, one of the youth asked to borrow some money - based on fact that they were all going to get paid for a certain project. Z took me aside, and quietly asked. Not because Z wanted the newest sneakers, but because Z wanted to show how much they appreciated one of their friends (ok, I know that sentence would reallly bug my dad; I'm talking about one person, yet using the plural pronoun, but their gender is irrelevent in this story, so there you go...). It was not a lot of money, but Z clearly was not completely comfortable asking. We off went to the ATM and got the money.
And I knew I'd get it back. And last night, I did. In an envelope, placed into my bag when I wasn't looking. It was clearly the bringing together of multiple 'pots' of money. And the thank you note that went with it, was touching. The way that Z crafted their thank you. The time that went into it. It was touching. I hadn't realized how something so little, which I didn't really even think about, could cause such great gratitude.
I consider it my job to be a good role model. And I work hard at that. I'm not trying to be their friend, but I am trying to be someone they can trust, someone they can turn to for help. And this latest 'event' has shown that maybe it is easier than I think. Sure we have boundaries (I keep my private life to myself, and don't want to hear the details of their relationships), but I love that they respect that.
It may not be in my job description, but I think these little things are the most important things that I do.

Evaluation

This year, in light of many changes, and the fact that sometimes I think it is good to do something differently, we're conducting our evaluation in a new way. Traditionally, our 'evaluator' has come in and done surveys with the youth - all very youth-0riented, of course, and then created a report (or promised a report) based on that.
This year, we took it into our own hands. In light of the recent departure of the "Elders", we decided that it would be good to have our first-ever "Mandatory Meeting". Glugh. And then, on top of that, we had one on one meetings with ALL the youth. Sounds like a tall order, right?
It hasn't been. The evaluation, in the form of questions that we each (yes, me too) wrote our own responses to, was very informative. Although I have yet to write the report, I think it'll show a lot of diversity, and a desire to lead.
The individual meetings have been wonderful. What a great opportunity it has been to get to spend some time with them all one-on-one. And oh how quickly the time goes by. The greatest piece is that they ALL want to take on the newer leadership roles - and they want to step up their individual games. They all have ideas on what that looks like, and how that fits together - but it has been inspiring to see them all want to take on new pieces of these puzzles.
I'm excited. Although we have yet to iron out all the details, I think when we come together this week, we'll have a clearer understanding of where we each stand. We'll begin work on some of their new project ideas, and then wipe the rest of the board completely clean, and watch us fill it up again. As they've opened up to me, I've opened up to them, and I think that's helped - at least a bit! :)
This evaluation is leading to a new beginning, one where I hope each person feels as though they are an important part of the puzzle. Because, whether they know it or not, each one of those youth has carved out a niche in my heart for themselves - even when I didn't think I could fit any more niches in.
Gotta love this work, I think I continue to learn more and gain more from this experience than they do...I just hope they know it! :)

When the young emulate the old(er)

We're experiencing a new phenomenon in the group. As I mentioned, we're having a bit of a changing of the guard, with all the old(er) youth away at college, the dynamics have really changed. Some of the 'middle' group - the ones who have been around for more than a year - have started fidgeting. And some of the 'younger' group have not quite stepped up as the middle ones expected. Fair enough.
So this week, one of the other adults involved lead a session in which we all dug deep and remembered why we were there, and what we brought to the group - as well as what the group brought to us. It was a great exercise. It made me think about how I had communicated a certain way for so long, and that worked fine with the older group. But this newer group isn't the same, obviously.
After we poured our thoughts onto paper, we started a discussion. One of the middle groupers, S, suggested that we really needed to have people step up and have roles, just like the older ones had had.
I was tickled pink by that! It had never even occurred to me that as soon as the middlers were the older ones, they'd take on the same ownership! Not that I didn't think they could do it - I absolutely do. But that they would WANT to step up so readily - and clearly feel like they were ready. That I loved.
A couple of the newest kids even stepped up and shared what some of their strengths were - what they could bring to the group.
I guess I've been so caught up in trying to get things done, and keep things going, that I forgot to stop and think about what the new group would look like. And who would step up. It speaks volumes to the older yutes, that these new middlers emulate them so much, and now want to have roles just like they did.
Leadership in yutes - it just keeps paying off.
And I'm loving it!

Finding New Talents

Tonight, the teens and I were working on a grant application. I'd outlined most of it, based on their ideas for the project. But some substance still needed to be added, and in true youth development fashion, they had to answer a couple of the questions.
One of the youth tonight is relatively new. I've noticed that she's a smart one, and also an amazingly caring and otherwise talented one. But it wasn't until she began re-phrasing some of the application that I realized how amazing her writing talents are.
N drafted the responses to the questions they had to answer, carefully selecting every word; and keeping the best to the very last sentence - "to blow them away," she said. Blow THEM away? She blew ME away.
I had stepped out of the room, to give them all a chance to really focus on their questions without me there. And after a few minutes N came to me and told me she didn't like how I'd phrased the goal, and what did I think of this new phrasing she came up with. Hm. I took one look at it and new I was in the presence of greatness.
This is the benefit of having the younger youth step up: they get their own times to shine, too. And shine they will.
I'm truely lucky to work with such a great bunch of youth. And grateful for N's passion for writing...

Exciting Beginnings, Anxious Endings

It is that time of year again. Young people are gearing up to go back to school. Some are going to new schools. Some are returning to the same schools. Some are heading to high school, and some to college. It makes for a lot of change.

For the first time this year, our group is experiencing a lot of 'back to schoolness'. One young person has decided not to go back to school, and refocus his attention on other aspects of his life, which don't include us. We miss him. But respect his need for change. And wish him all the best.

Another one, whose life has always been a bit in flux, finally got the needed pieces together to start a new program, and will be commuting to and from that and home. His class schedule won't allow him to come to our meetings, but he is eager to stay involved online.

Two more young people are heading back to their schools for their 3rd and 4th years. They feel well-established and know what to expect, although both are in challenging programs that require lots of time and energy. Invariable, their attendance at our meetings will be scant, though their online involvement and planning are as reliable as the impending arrival of fall and winter.

And then there's X. X, this year, is embarking on a new life of sorts. He'll be entering a new school, a university that is a little drive away. He'll be living on campus, and be changing and figuring out how to negotiate all the changes that come with that.

But X is used to change. Just not this kind of change. X has had to move a number of times. He's had to change schools before. But he's always stayed within his comfort zone - that zone where he knew his support net was just minutes away. A support net that proved invaluable when he went through some huge changes a few years ago.

It was during that change that X and I really connected. He'd share his thoughts with me every week, during a time that we were guaranteed to be just the 2 of us. We'd talk, phillosophize, and I'd do all I could to support him however he needed it.

Last night, X sought out that one on one time. And from the moment it started, he began pondering how is life would be. And what kinds of changes this meant, including the fact that we wouldn't be able to see him every week. And how it would be.

The funny thing was, X had become such a constant in my work with the youth, that I began to feel those same nerves that he was talking about. He talked of adjusting to a new room-mate, I thought of having different people during our one on one time. He talked of having new responsibilities, I thought of how these changes would impact the leadership of the group. He talked of not being excited, but trying to just be, I thought of being anxious about just be-ing. I'm going to miss X. I'm excited for the new opportunities he's about to encounter. And I'm excited to hear about the new support net. And to tell him about the group, and how it is doing.

Growth and change are inevitable - finding youth who embrace it, and go for it brings a smile to my face. X knew to seek out the conversation, which tells me that he's ready for this change. And ready to take it on, even if he is slightly apprehensive

I'm so incredibly proud to be associated with these youth. Watching them grow up and out and over and above and beyond has been such a gift. But now that they're leaving the nest, I find myself anxious and sad, yet grateful for their willingness to involve me and the group in their growth.

I look at them with wonderment, and realize - I wish I could have been that poised and profound when I was in their shoes.

Communicating Failure

As much as I would love for things to always go perfectly, or at least to go well, I know they won't. I know that there will be times that I will forget something. Or I will screw something up. And while I can easily take responsibility, which I do. Because if I don't, then what kind of a role model am I? A bad one.
But what do I do when someone else doesn't do something. Or when someone else ignores a task? What if this person is an adult?
I struggle with this one. As a role model, it is not my place to ever place blame on anyone else. So, for at least a while, I called it miscommunication. "Oh, Lala and I miscommunicated about who was going to mail that letter" or "That didn't happen because of a miscommunication between Lala and me." And it was true, I'd contact Lala about something, and it wouldn't happen. I always figured it got lost somewhere.
But after a while, that gets old. And one of the youth called me on it. Well, R said, why don't the two of you learn to communicate?
And he had a really good point. What what happens when another adult blames another role model for 'getting in the way'? Without having the right to reprimand another adult, how do I make it clear that you just can't do that in front of these guys and gals?
Or what do I do when something gets cancelled?
Some of these challenges are things that I think about often. I never want to blame anyone else. But again, I don't want them to ever think I gave less than my all...

Youth Expectations

This evening, we (the youth and I) had a great meeting. Our agenda listed discussing the quote of the week (one of the youth finds a quote in an empowering book and we all discuss it), announcements, and then some project selection and planning. And then, celebrating 2 birthdays in the group.
I thought it was going to be a pretty routine evening. Although these guys and gals never cease to amaze me, I really thought it'd be a very focused evening.
But no.
It started with the quote discussion, which was about generosity, and how true generosity really felt as though it had no cost with it. It was really interesting to hear how they, mostly young people coming from very low-income families, viewed generosity. And it seemed as though they all really thought that you should never feel as though you had to be generous, because that in and of itself was an oxymoron. They decided you can't be generous if you feel as though it is a burden.
Generosity, H said, is the lack of greed. The absence of greed. Therefore, you do it, simply because you WANT to do it for the other person.
What an observation.
Then on to project planning. We began discussing the audience for our next project - young people or adults. We began talking about a certain kind of class and teachers. And the next moment, the youth began describing situations in which they believe teachers did not expect enough of them.
Teachers, S said, should challenge us. They should expect more of us. Regardless of the subject. You don't do English homework in Math class. So you shouldn't have any other class in which you can do homework for another class, not even gym.
I shared some thoughts on how some people just choose to do the bare minimum in life, to be able to skate through. And that some students, just might be, the same way.
That, to these young people, was unacceptable. Adults should expect much out of them. And always challenge them.
Now I know, to... :)

Sometimes even the toughest people need help...

I know a young person, who, on the outside, is the most confident, strident, intelligent and tough person. One who seems to never need any endearing, one who doesn't need to be complimented, one who doesn't ask for anything but honesty and respect.
And so, it is easy to overlook the moodiness in this young person, it is easy to miss the slight admissions of imperfection, it is easy to explain away the grumblings. Because when they happen, they are soooo fleeting. This young person doesn't harp on anything, good or bad. S/He doesn't complain, doesn't mind when I ask her/him to do one more task on top of his/her heavy work and school loads.S/ He doesn't even flinch when someone else asks him/her, don't you have time for another job.
This young person seems to have it all - and to need for nothing, in self-esteem, that is.
So how easy it is to get hung up on moulding, supporting and encouraging the young ones with less self-confidence, with less self-esteem, with fewer juggling abilities. And it is easy to forget that 'need' is something quite different than 'wants' or 'should haves'.
I recently looked this strong, stable young person in the eye, and I simply said "Thank you. Thank you for being a part of this. Thank you for all your efforts. Have I ever told you how much I appreciate you." And the look in those eyes, was something I don't think I've ever seen before. It may just have been a flash - of relief, or emotion, but I think it was more than a flash.
The hug I got in return, was stronger and more emotional. And I remembered then, oh yeah, being strong isn't always easy, and we don't always do it by choice. Sometimes our families's situations call on us to be so, or the world around us expects it. But that doesn't mean that we don't need that extra thank you, or that extra hug. Because sometimes, it just happens to be that extra little gesture, reminds that strong person, that even they can be emotional. That even they can need support.
And it reminds me that sometimes I need to focus on those who seem to have it all in check.

The quality of youth

Our group's meeting last night was centered on fun...The youth have all worked so hard this summer, that we decided it was time we just spent some quality time together. I left it up to one of them to decide what we were going to do - and choose he did. Although the group was smaller than usual, there were still 10 of us sitting around a dinner table at a local Chinese place.
One of the surprising things to me was that he chose something 'normal', a local place that they'd all eaten at before. It wasn't anything fancy, although it was nice enough. And dinner - what a great way to connect with one another in a way that is completely non-threatening to everyone in the group, and that allows for equal air-time for all!
I lost count of how many times the youth asked me if they really didn't have to pay. I assured them they didn't - they'd worked hard enough and saved enough money that the group's money would pay for dinner - I'd made sure of that. And they all asked "Is it ok if I order this" or "Will it be too much if I order that"? It was quite endearing.
The most endearing thing, however, was when each of them, when they needed to be excused from the table, asked me whether they could be excused. Who said today's youth don't have any manners?! I was kind of shocked the first time, but by the end of the night it became a joke, when even I asked to be excused.
Coming back from the ladies room, I could hear them all laughing and joking across the restaurant. And I noticed that no one seemed to mind. When I returned to the table, they all pretended to be talking about something I wasn't allowed to hear about. Ha! As if!
What a great feeling - to be out and about with them, with them being completely engaging and interacting with one another, regardless of who was better friends with whom.
These are the qualities I'm grateful for, and for which I'll take them out on my own dime anytime! :)

What's in a role model?

Three and a half years ago, I embarked on a journey. Simply said, it was to work my way out of a job. I was a substance abuse prevention coordinator at the time, and I wanted and needed to start a group for youth who were willing to help out. We began meeting one a week (even during the summer months – their choice!). We were small at first, mostly a group of 4 young men and a young woman, from a variety of racial and ethnic backgrounds, but who all know one another quite well. These young men were between 15 and 16 years old. They were a little green then, but over time, our relationship grew, and they began to take the lead. The young woman was a little older than the young men, at 17, and she was their voice of reason. From the beginning, I was adamant that whatever we did, they came up with the ideas and helped put plans together. I’d help them, coach them along, and remind them what the group’s overall goals were, and sometimes we’d stumble. But we always got right back up again.
Over the next 3 years, things changed. We grew in numbers. I changed full-time jobs, but continued working with them. We met challenges. They all finished high school, and some don’t even live in the neighborhood any more. We’ve developed, and our programs and projects have changed over time.
They’ve all gone on to either college or working full-time. Yet every week, these five young adults come back to the small office we started in, and lead the other 14 youth through project planning and implementation. They guide them, they facilitate the meetings, and most importantly, they inspire them. They’re excellent role models. Yet they are all drastically different. “F” is very creative and can’t be on time for anything. Yet a few weeks ago, he called me to say that I was late, and he was early. “J” takes on a lot of responsibility, but has learned out to delegate. “A” still struggles with his role with us, but is the calming presence, learning how to not take constructive criticism personally. And “D” has learned that he can’t do it all himself. And our young woman, “L”, has blossomed into an even more responsible adult, who does all the background research and (successfully) applies for grants for the group.
Last week, these 5 young people said to me “You’ve worked your way out of a job.” And I have. I’m still there, providing some of the logistical support. But they do the planning. They come up with the proposals. And they role model for the younger ones. They tell me that I’ve had a profound influence on their lives, I’m their asset role model. And the tears welled in my eyes. And I realized it was quite the opposite. They didn’t work me out of a job, they worked themselves into a job, and they became my role models.