Teens Rock! And Some Adults Do, Too!

As I've written before, we launched a pilot about 3 months ago for a texting project. We requested the initial 3-month time-line in the hopes that we could see if we could make our program work.

A few weeks ago, I went to the program that funds the project, at the request of the youth, to request an extension. And we got it! YAY!

The teens sent me into the meeting with two simple messages: we love you (to the program manager); and can we have another 3 months? The Program Manager sent me back with two messages: I love you too; and Yes, what else do you need?

Being able to bring such great news back to the team was fabulous. Everyone was so excited. Not only was it an affirmation that their project is worthy of being extended (and so being deemed successful), but also showed that the Program Manager believes in them.

This particular Program Manager has been supportive of the group since we first got started almost 5 years ago. She was really supportive when we tried to launch a public service announcement about 9 months into our first year together. She spent time meeting with them, providing feedback and just being supportive.

Granted the team today has very different members, some of whom she's only met once (when we did the initial proposal). Yet, she believes enough in them, and their work to provide them with the financial support they need.

Finding adults who believe in youth isn't always easy. Nor is it always genuine. But when we do find them, they have a profound affect on the young people, in a bigger way than most of us will ever know.

Have you supported a teen today?

An Important Reminder

...sometimes, even the most confident, self-assured young person enjoys a little one-on-one time. And in the last few weeks, I've had the privilege of spending some one-on-one time with some of these wonderful young people. And I have to say, it always feels good to hear what they're REALLY thinking...and amazing how appreciative they are of that time.
I am, too. It reminds me of the importance of the little things in life.

Expressions of Trust: the on-going growth of the Quiet Leader

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the Quiet Leader. The one who brings leadership to the team queitly, but powerfully so. She does much of her leading when no one else is looking, and does so in an unthreatening way.
She's continued to do well, taking on more responsibility.
But there's another piece to her now, too. She seems to be trusting me more. She hates talking on the phone, yet I get calls from her, telling me about the newest advertising wave. She cracks jokes, in a mature, yet hysterical fashion. And she calls me out on things when she thinks I need calling out on.
And it is this last piece that is really inspiring. For QL to feel confident enough in herself that she can put me in my place, is really rewarding. She has this great way of doing it - like when she calls her peers out on something - she does so with humor, class and style.
A few weeks ago, she called me out on the fact that I had clearly seen a message on her FB (not that it was hidden, but I try not to read their walls too often - status, yes, walls, no). She called me a 'creeper' - and it became an on-going joke. I started signing emails as G-creeper, she called me G-creeper. But I noticed that this on-going joke seemed to increase her trust in me. Last weekend, she changed the creeper to 'overly affectionate'. Cute.
Later, I had a conversation with one of her friends. Turns out QL has been having a really hard month, and hasn't really been communicating with some of her closest friends. She'd felt a little isolated from them for a variety of reasons, and had been hurt by it. I finally put the pieces together this past weekend. And sent her an email, thanking her for all her hard-work and dedication. She wrote back, saying it was she who should thank me, for giving her the opportunity to grow and to become a leader. She's so humble. And such a role model for adults and youth.
She'll be representing us at a conference next week, and seems excited to go. I couldn't think of a better person, a better team member or a stronger leader to represent us... QL will prove the importance of being a QL.

Success!!

Today was one of those days...one of those days that I doubt I'll ever forget. Tears of pride, baby, tears of PRIDE!
During the summer, we applied to a youth conference in MA to show off our advertising campaign for our new project. About two weeks ago, we got the call that we were accepted. Our task seemed simple - put together a board showcasing all of our advertising products and talk about them to anyone who stops by our table - from 9am to 4pm.
Never, in a million years, did I imagine it would be as successful as it was. Three of the ladies took the lead. We put the board together this morning at the conference site and had extra stickers to give out...We figured there'd be some interest. And was there ever.
I stood by and watched and took photos as young people began trickling in at 9. I stood by and absorbed. I stood by and dropped my jaw.  The young ladies chatted with everyone who stopped by. They engaged with everyone who hesitated at the table. They took the challenge and won over 650 young people.
Yes, that is right - 650 young people stopped by our table before the end of the day and the team wowed them all with their poise, elegance and classiness. By the time the two additional gentleman came in after 10am, the ladies were old-hat.
Between the five of them, they talked, explained and put on a show to top all shows! I admit it, I totally teared up a few times...how could I not. The youth were enjoying the praise and exhilaration that comes with doing a job, and doing it well. Their project seemed to take over the whole conference area. Everywhere I looked, there were these neon green stickers...our stickers. The black shirts that many of the young people were wearing, were the perfect backdrop for these stickers - you could see them across the ballroom!!
When the young people went off to their workshops, I stayed behind and chatted with anyone who stopped by - but felt like I couldn't do the project justice like they had been. The youth smiled when they'd walk up, and I'd hand the torch over to them...it was quite something.
And now - I'm watching the numbers...and they're looking really good.
A great day - a great presentation - great experience. Today proves that whatever these young people put their minds to, they can achieve. And it confirms to me, how truly wonderful they are. And how blessed I am to share this time with them. :)

Looking back - and forward. Hope.

Sometimes, I just find myself in a reflective mood. This weekend, I have felt more reflective than usual, perhaps because I've had a little more time to sit and reflect!
At any rate, I found myself re-reading some blog posts from the past year. And I found myself smiling, a lot. Re-reading those memories, recalling the stories behind the blogs - the highs and some of the lows was incredibly fun and encouraging.
Although looking back is not always useful, in this case, I find it to be more full-filling. The young peeps, some a little older now than when I originally wrote about them (well, ok, they're all older, but some have just graduated to Mentorship), have grown into their new roles. And others, who disappeared for as much as a year, have returned, at least on the fringes.
The ups and downs, the ins and outs. They're all fun to remember - for in every down, we learned a lesson. In every up, we celebrated.
But to see how young people, new ones all the time, continue to CARE about their community. Continue to WANT to make a difference. Continue to be PASSIONATE about their work. It encourages me. It gives me HOPE.
It reminds me that, though we sometimes wish life was a straight road, the curves can be just as pleasing. They sometimes provide more sustainence than we give them credit for. Or at least, than I give them credit for.
And while I really am surprised by how long I've been writing this blog (although I admit I'm a little sporadic at it!), it is how quickly that time has gone that has REALLY surprised me. I feel like I blink and I miss a whole year. Call me nostalgic, if you will (go ahead, I admit it, I'm being nostalgic), but I'm not really. I feel like each week, my heart grows as another young person siddles into a new section of it. And each week, I see the change happening before my very eyes.
I'm buoyed by the growth of the young people. I'm encouraged by their dedication. I'm ready to see how things stand one year from now. But mostly, I'm really just grateful to know so many amazing young people. And even more grateful that they care, want and are passionate about change. They are hope.

Watching young people succeed

Although one day can make my heart snap, another can make it soar with pride. Young people, and their ability and knowledge and drive, know what they want, and how they want it.
As I mentioned earlier, we launched a project in early September. It has been a really fun time, though not without a few stressful moments!
But, the thing that I love is that, whatever else we think, the youth keep reminding us that this project is 'youth driven.' That's right - when I, or another advisor, makes a suggestion that is a little more adult-focused than youth focused, we get the ixnay.
For example, someone gave us funding for an additional 100 t-shirts. Of course this meant that we had to come up with a plan for these new products. The other advisor and I suggested maybe the coaches of the school's sports teams and/or some of the favorite teachers wearing them.
Well, the young peeps said, um, how about we ask the CAPTAINS of the teams to wear them, and then some of the other students we know are leaders?
Oh right. That makes sense. In fact, it makes a lot more sense! And I'm sure it has a lot more pull.
It is a great sign. To me, it means that they are taking ownership. They're thinking about how they would be intrigued enough to use the new service.
When I recently selected a pretty flashy pencil to order, they ixnayed that, too. Choosing, instead, a pencil that changes colors when you touch it.
I love the ownership. I am empowered by their leadership. And while they aren't all able to come to the meetings at the moment, they're engaged in the project. They're communicating with one another.
And the smile on their faces when they hear how someone liked their project, or made a comment about how cool it was, is priceless.
I'm lucky to work with them. And that we've found a few adults who are incredibly supportive of them.
They make all the heart-snapping oh-so-worth-it!

When my heart snaps...

I often like to share positive, empowering stories. I like to showcase how great working with youth can be. How they overcome adversity. How they are able to deal with so many things at once.
But life isn't always so peachy-king. And I have to say that this is a blog I've gone back and forth on very many times. But it is sitting with me. And the situation is taking a lot of my thought.
This story is one that I really hope has a happy ending. But it is hard to tell...
A young man. A strong young man. With many amazing traits. Great leadership skills. And a personality that knocks everyone's socks off.
But underneath, things lurk. Troubles lurk. Pain lurks. Worry. Heartache. An unwielding unease.
Its been a challenge that W, as I'll call him, has been facing for a long time. He's dealt with it in others, but now he sees it in himself. And its gotten pretty bad. And by pretty bad, I can't even tell you how bad.
He's a young man who wants to go places. Who wants to get some zest out of life. He's a young man who could go as far as the moon.
But now, with these new challenges, we have a hard time even seeing next week coming. Oh sure, there's help. There's always help. And luckily, there are people who want to help him.
But that doesn't mean that, every time he tells me that another, rough chapter has opened, my heart doesn't break. I can hear it snap. Perhaps worse than that snap, is that I can see in his eyes that he knows it snapped. He doesn't want me to worry, he says. How can I not? As an advisor, as a mentor, it is my job to support the young people in whatever way they need it. And sometimes, that means that my own emotions get involved. And sometimes it is truely hard.
I told him he doesn't have to worry about my worrying. That the tears he saw in my eyes that day were because I'd never want anyone to have to deal with what he's dealing with. That I'd much rather worry than not know.That I am grateful that he trusts me enough to tell me.
Because in the end, all I can offer him is support. And caring. The rest, I have to leave up to the professionals. And I just hope that they are the best professionals out there. Because W deserves nothing less than the best. W, I hope you know that. W, I believe in you - and I always will...

The Quiet Leader

In society, I think we tend to think of leaders as the people who stand out, who are always vocal, who focus in on the way that things should be done.
But in my work, I have come across two strong 'quiet' leaders. These are the people who make incredibly thoughtful responses to issues that are raised. They challenge the more vocal leaders, not by undermining their leadership, but by pushing the envelope. They pay attention to the details, and think of new ways to present information.
But they are also cheerleaders. They pick us up when we are down. They look for the positive angle, but aren't afraid of negativity. They can handle the truth, and are not crippled by it.
And, I've noticed, they tend to be very creative and artistic. My quiet leaders, F and H, on the surface, may seem incredibly different, but when I look at how they lead, they are so similar. They both see things differently than the vocal leaders. They both bring an incredible sense of self and goals to the team. They are able to describe theories with imagery that just knocks my socks off. Their responses can be laddened with emotions, but not so much so that the response is completely emotional. They think outside of the box, but not so far outside of the box that their ideas are completely abstract. They challenge but don't demean.
Perhaps most importantly, F and H lead by example. They are positive role models. They never blame anyone else for their not finishing an assignment. They never back down from a challenge. And I can always count on them to keep the group grounded.
They've both crept up on me, each right around the time they become seniors. I find it fascinating. I'm incredibly grateful. I see the torch being passed, and the quiet leader actually being able to handle more pressure, be more sure of themselves, and bring an incredibly array of positive qualities to our work. I feel like if I would have blinked at the wrong moment, I would have missed the metamorphisis.
I'm grateful for all my leaders - no matter the form. But I'm even more grateful that they're all different. And I look forward to seeing how the quiet ones assert themselves more in the coming weeks...

Trials and Tribulations...of a launch

This week, I've learned an important lesson: never underestimate the power of support.
As the launch date of our project approached on Tuesday, the youth were clearly excited. They were anxious, yes, but ready. The last couple of weeks of prep work certainly had its moments, but overall, things really came together.
And launch day came...and OH BOY. Talk about not working out! When I woke up, I tested the system - and it didn't work. At that moment, my stomach turned into a knot. A total knot.
I proceeded to spend about 2 hours on the phone with tech-support. And I thought I'd fixed it - but with one challenge still looming (the issue of being a 'subscriber'), but one thought we could get around.
So, Tuesday night, I went to our weekly meeting and skyped with our expert as the youth listened. As I layed out what I had found out earlier in the day, we found out that, despite what the company had told me earlier, the glitch was not fixed. I felt so incredibly badly. I felt like they had done their part, and I had failed in doing mine. The company we had contracted with didn't seem to have the product we needed.
So, after explaining the situation, we decided to call tech support on speaker phone, with the expert on skype and the teens listening.
The empowering thing? They all stood behind me. They all pumped me up and told me to be strong. They knew that this kind of conflict often intimidated me. Mostly, I think they were concerned that I seemed as calm as I did.
Sadly, tech support didn't answer. I called them back later in the night, with S, the expert, on skype again. After more than an hour, and numerous attempts at getting around the poorly-designed system, they told us our sales rep would call us in the morning. S, in the meantime, had found another company who might be able to help out, so we called her contact there. We got the answers we needed. I should probably mention that S was in the UK, and we didn't get off the phone until 10pm my time. Hm, she poured her heart into helping to solve the problem.
Needless to say, I was pretty certain at this point that the original company had sold us a product they didn't have. I was stressed, but calm (don't ask, I don't get it either - it is like I focus so intently on the problem, that I appear calm, hmmm).
Wednesday morning, the sales rep called. And after 10 minutes of her trying to blame us, and me explaining that she'd never told us they couldn't provide the service we really wanted (I had reviewed EVERY email, EVERY word of the contract, EVERY correspondence - and NO where did they say it wouldn't work!), she said she'd cancel the contract - AND refund the money. And the new company? They're actually cheaper! :)
So, we have to change our promotion materials because our carrier has changed. BUT - it was the youth who really pumped me up.
S wrote an incredibly flattering email to them all - thanking them for pumping me up, and congratulating me. For a moment, I realized I'd been mentored like I hoped to mentor the young people. The youth responded - with wonderful words and super support. I'm so indebted to S. Grateful to have her along on this journey...
And today, on the yutes' day off, we met and ironed out all the details...it was awesome.
So, through all the challenges and tribulations of a few really stressful days , I saw how resilient we all are. I saw how keeping my cool, but being strong, was really the best course of action. And how the youth and I and S really are a team - that we all need one another. That it takes all of us to make our project work.
I'm grateful. Incredibly grateful. And buoyed by the support. Who could ask for anything more?

The Excitement of a Launch

For the past year, we've been working on a project. One that is new, exciting and to our knowledge, hasn't really been tried before.
It was the brain child of the youth - while talking with an e-media expert. The youth wanted to get their messages of not drinking out in a new way - using electronic media, versus the old print media. It has taken 11 months for us to put it together - with so much planning and many different phases - and finally we all are sitting on the edge of our seats, ready to hit play!
This summer, four of the yutes have taken on additional responsibilities to make sure the project gets done. And I have to say, just when I'm not sure what will happen - they always pull through.
Take Tuesday night, for example. I was starting to get a little worried - there is still so much to do, and so little time, comparatively. One of the youth picked up on my anxiety and said that I was the only one feeling worried, and that it was all going to be fine. He he, check, got the message!
Then, using a 30-day free trial, we tested our first message. As mobile phones started buzzing, and they all looked at their phones, it was like a burst of glee! Everyone got giddy, excited and bubbly! Even one youth who doesn't have a phone claimed to get the message through ESP. I hit pauze for a moment. And looked around. And watched. And took it all in. This was one of those moments when you realize that empowering youth is the greatest gift. That giving them the space to create, plan and implement a project from start to finish, is where it is at. Sure, we've made mistakes. Sure there have been missed deadlines. But really, they've taken those in and kept going. We've overcome numerous challenges, from funding to support. From internal to external.
But that's the point - THEY'VE overcome those. They've learned from them. And they've owned them.
Let's face it - they knew what would work and what wouldn't. They were happy to tell me how they thought things should go. And with a little help (especially from our e-media expert, whome they LOVE), they've really got a great project to launch.
Watching them grow. Watching them learn. But most of all, watching them succeed. It brings tears to my eyes. I hope they know how much I appreciate them, their work, and their dedication. They are such a great reminder of everything that is right with the world.

Being a teen - like being on a cycling team?!

A lot has happened in the last few months. Like a certain professional cycling team, the youth have been trying to find their leader. Some of the youth have brought in new team members (their friends), ultimately changing the make-up of the group, and its personality.
As with the cycling team, the personality of the Team that has been dominate for so long, is being changed by the newer members - it is a new order, a new way of working, a new way of thinking. The younger team has new ways of thinking, new ways of getting the work done and are refreshing, much like the younger personality in the cyling team.
But unlike the cycling team, the older personality and make-up of the Team, isn't complaining. They're figuring out how to work with the new group. Yes, they feel a little out of place at times, they struggle to keep up, they have to work harder when they're working. But they aren't put off, they aren't running their mouths.
Both personalities of our Team are taking the high road. They're doing what they can to work together. There are challenges, and once in a while, you get a snippy comment by one or the other, but they are committed to accept one another, to work together. Afterall, I've made it clear, I'm not taking sides - I'm hoping we'll be able to figure out who we are and stay together.
But, this also makes me think about how much being a teen is like being a part of a cylcing team. For one, you can't make it through your teen years on your own. You need to have friends around you, people to support you, to carry you when you need a little carrying, and to cheer you on when you win or when you need it most. But also, we need to be able to cheer our friends on, we need to be able to think not just of ourselves, but of all our friends. Often, we're defined by our friends as teens. We can often only be as strong as the rest of our team, our supports.
Yet, when you're a teen, you also have your own personality, and try to find your individuality, just like individual cyclists. Juxting for your own self-esteem, trying to figure out who you are... Your friends are important, but your own person is who you're looking to to promote, to develop.
So as our team works to figure out who we are, as we work to figure out who our own leader is, as we try to figure out what our priorities are, I play the role of supporter. Of confirmer. Of promoter. This amazing group of youth deserves nothing less. And time with each of them is precious.
Just for the record, however, I greatly admire the newer face on the cycling team. That face has held itself high, battled on the road and ultimately proved who is the best in the world. Bravo, AC. Bravo.

Happy 4th, Frustrating Scenarios

Last month, the group celebrated its 4th anniversary. 4 years. And there are a few who have stuck it out. They're (almost) all in college now - of the original 4 in that first year, 2 are in college (and siblings), 1 is working in retail as a manager, and 1 is in school (more on that in a bit). 3 of them attend whenever they can, 2 of those at least once a month, and due to circumstances, every week at the moment. While they're definitely still young, they are definitely heading into their 20s, and never cease to make my heart swell. Their dedication and willingness to be good role models is just amazing. I find it heartening. And gives me hope.
H has always been a dreamer. An artist. A strong young man. He's always had a heart of gold, and was the first to swear to protect me, even willing to dress as a woman to run with me in a race. He's the one who had everyone sign a birthday card for me one year. And he's the one I drove home every week for almost 2 years, creating a bond that has sustained both of us. Last summer, when my nephew came to an event, H played with him for hours, and became N's hero. Last year, he took a few classes at a local two-year college, waiting to get into his four-year college. He'd love to be an art therapist, but knows he can't make it through school.
He comes from a private family, one that doesn't talk about their laundry outside of the laundry room. He has an family member, P, who is ten years his elder, who is supposed to help him make his way in life.
H has aspirations.
This year, he started at his four-year college, and the fall semester seemed to go well. But then the economy struck. Due to some happenings at home and a mix of bad timing and more stringent rules, he got shut out of a process he was eligible for.
Getting shut out of this, has meant that he has to take a semester off school, and has to come up with a solution to a rather large problem. For the last few weeks, I've been trying to trouble-shoot with him.
Luckily, a former colleague works at the university, and has offered to help. And help he has. But H still needs more support from his family to reconcile the problem. And he can't get it (it isn't that they're not willing, but even P isn't able to help this time around).
And I'm getting frustrated. Here we are, a society who prides itself at making opportunities avaialble to all young people, no matter their economic backgrounds, race, creed, sexuality, etc. And we'll set them up, but the safety net that is supposed to help catch them when they falter has disappeared. For H, this is having horrible effects. He requires a little additional help, but when you give it to him, he does exactly what he needs to do - but without it, without a little guidance, he gets lost in the shuffle.
I wish I had the resources to help him. I wish I could offer him the support he really needs. But all I can do is hook him in with people I know and help trouble-shoot.
If we, as a society, are really going to make this an equal-opportunity society, then we need to fess up and set up those safety nets. We need to commit ourselves to advocating for those who need it. We need to answer the call.
Watching H falter is painful. Luckily, he's still dreaming. But I hear those dreams getting darker every day. And if H stops dreaming, then what?

Conflict & Communication

My recent lack of posts is certainly not because of a lack of activity. In fact, I'd say that the youth have been as active as ever. The youth who graduated from high school are now Mentors, and have been taking a lot of leadership and mentoring roles with the younger youth. It has been a fun process to watch. Some of the current group members have just blossomed into leaders themselves. Encouring them just a little has proven to bring out their inner-leaders. And they tend to be at least a few steps ahead of me in the project we're working on.
All the great things, though, have not necessarily meant that things have been easy. We've faced some conflict, which has tested us. But we've come out of that stronger, and more sure of ourselves.
In the midst of it, though, it was painful. It was really difficult to hear from these youth, who have so little, but give so much, about challenges they were having, and being frustrated with processes and plans. Being frustrated about how they were being treated by other adults and other youth. Being unsure about how they should negotiate these troubles, while still giving projects their all.
My biggest challenge was hearing their frustration, and knowing it was affecting their work. Listening to their frustration but not being able to do anything about it. And engaging them in conversation without laying blame on anyone for the problems.
But, I think we've come out the other side... A few weeks ago, the other advisor and I sat down with all of them, and just talked. It was a really good talk. We encouraged confidentiality, honesty and just being open. And we didn't make any promises we couldn't keep. And I think it worked. I think many of them, though not all, have re-committed themselves to working together and giving their best. We're really sorry to see one or two still struggle with their commitments. And we certainly haven't resolved everything. However, it was a good start.
It just goes to show that open and honest communication is the key.