Happy 4th, Frustrating Scenarios

Last month, the group celebrated its 4th anniversary. 4 years. And there are a few who have stuck it out. They're (almost) all in college now - of the original 4 in that first year, 2 are in college (and siblings), 1 is working in retail as a manager, and 1 is in school (more on that in a bit). 3 of them attend whenever they can, 2 of those at least once a month, and due to circumstances, every week at the moment. While they're definitely still young, they are definitely heading into their 20s, and never cease to make my heart swell. Their dedication and willingness to be good role models is just amazing. I find it heartening. And gives me hope.
H has always been a dreamer. An artist. A strong young man. He's always had a heart of gold, and was the first to swear to protect me, even willing to dress as a woman to run with me in a race. He's the one who had everyone sign a birthday card for me one year. And he's the one I drove home every week for almost 2 years, creating a bond that has sustained both of us. Last summer, when my nephew came to an event, H played with him for hours, and became N's hero. Last year, he took a few classes at a local two-year college, waiting to get into his four-year college. He'd love to be an art therapist, but knows he can't make it through school.
He comes from a private family, one that doesn't talk about their laundry outside of the laundry room. He has an family member, P, who is ten years his elder, who is supposed to help him make his way in life.
H has aspirations.
This year, he started at his four-year college, and the fall semester seemed to go well. But then the economy struck. Due to some happenings at home and a mix of bad timing and more stringent rules, he got shut out of a process he was eligible for.
Getting shut out of this, has meant that he has to take a semester off school, and has to come up with a solution to a rather large problem. For the last few weeks, I've been trying to trouble-shoot with him.
Luckily, a former colleague works at the university, and has offered to help. And help he has. But H still needs more support from his family to reconcile the problem. And he can't get it (it isn't that they're not willing, but even P isn't able to help this time around).
And I'm getting frustrated. Here we are, a society who prides itself at making opportunities avaialble to all young people, no matter their economic backgrounds, race, creed, sexuality, etc. And we'll set them up, but the safety net that is supposed to help catch them when they falter has disappeared. For H, this is having horrible effects. He requires a little additional help, but when you give it to him, he does exactly what he needs to do - but without it, without a little guidance, he gets lost in the shuffle.
I wish I had the resources to help him. I wish I could offer him the support he really needs. But all I can do is hook him in with people I know and help trouble-shoot.
If we, as a society, are really going to make this an equal-opportunity society, then we need to fess up and set up those safety nets. We need to commit ourselves to advocating for those who need it. We need to answer the call.
Watching H falter is painful. Luckily, he's still dreaming. But I hear those dreams getting darker every day. And if H stops dreaming, then what?

Conflict & Communication

My recent lack of posts is certainly not because of a lack of activity. In fact, I'd say that the youth have been as active as ever. The youth who graduated from high school are now Mentors, and have been taking a lot of leadership and mentoring roles with the younger youth. It has been a fun process to watch. Some of the current group members have just blossomed into leaders themselves. Encouring them just a little has proven to bring out their inner-leaders. And they tend to be at least a few steps ahead of me in the project we're working on.
All the great things, though, have not necessarily meant that things have been easy. We've faced some conflict, which has tested us. But we've come out of that stronger, and more sure of ourselves.
In the midst of it, though, it was painful. It was really difficult to hear from these youth, who have so little, but give so much, about challenges they were having, and being frustrated with processes and plans. Being frustrated about how they were being treated by other adults and other youth. Being unsure about how they should negotiate these troubles, while still giving projects their all.
My biggest challenge was hearing their frustration, and knowing it was affecting their work. Listening to their frustration but not being able to do anything about it. And engaging them in conversation without laying blame on anyone for the problems.
But, I think we've come out the other side... A few weeks ago, the other advisor and I sat down with all of them, and just talked. It was a really good talk. We encouraged confidentiality, honesty and just being open. And we didn't make any promises we couldn't keep. And I think it worked. I think many of them, though not all, have re-committed themselves to working together and giving their best. We're really sorry to see one or two still struggle with their commitments. And we certainly haven't resolved everything. However, it was a good start.
It just goes to show that open and honest communication is the key.