I often like to share positive, empowering stories. I like to showcase how great working with youth can be. How they overcome adversity. How they are able to deal with so many things at once.
But life isn't always so peachy-king. And I have to say that this is a blog I've gone back and forth on very many times. But it is sitting with me. And the situation is taking a lot of my thought.
This story is one that I really hope has a happy ending. But it is hard to tell...
A young man. A strong young man. With many amazing traits. Great leadership skills. And a personality that knocks everyone's socks off.
But underneath, things lurk. Troubles lurk. Pain lurks. Worry. Heartache. An unwielding unease.
Its been a challenge that W, as I'll call him, has been facing for a long time. He's dealt with it in others, but now he sees it in himself. And its gotten pretty bad. And by pretty bad, I can't even tell you how bad.
He's a young man who wants to go places. Who wants to get some zest out of life. He's a young man who could go as far as the moon.
But now, with these new challenges, we have a hard time even seeing next week coming. Oh sure, there's help. There's always help. And luckily, there are people who want to help him.
But that doesn't mean that, every time he tells me that another, rough chapter has opened, my heart doesn't break. I can hear it snap. Perhaps worse than that snap, is that I can see in his eyes that he knows it snapped. He doesn't want me to worry, he says. How can I not? As an advisor, as a mentor, it is my job to support the young people in whatever way they need it. And sometimes, that means that my own emotions get involved. And sometimes it is truely hard.
I told him he doesn't have to worry about my worrying. That the tears he saw in my eyes that day were because I'd never want anyone to have to deal with what he's dealing with. That I'd much rather worry than not know.That I am grateful that he trusts me enough to tell me.
Because in the end, all I can offer him is support. And caring. The rest, I have to leave up to the professionals. And I just hope that they are the best professionals out there. Because W deserves nothing less than the best. W, I hope you know that. W, I believe in you - and I always will...
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The Quiet Leader
In society, I think we tend to think of leaders as the people who stand out, who are always vocal, who focus in on the way that things should be done.
But in my work, I have come across two strong 'quiet' leaders. These are the people who make incredibly thoughtful responses to issues that are raised. They challenge the more vocal leaders, not by undermining their leadership, but by pushing the envelope. They pay attention to the details, and think of new ways to present information.
But they are also cheerleaders. They pick us up when we are down. They look for the positive angle, but aren't afraid of negativity. They can handle the truth, and are not crippled by it.
And, I've noticed, they tend to be very creative and artistic. My quiet leaders, F and H, on the surface, may seem incredibly different, but when I look at how they lead, they are so similar. They both see things differently than the vocal leaders. They both bring an incredible sense of self and goals to the team. They are able to describe theories with imagery that just knocks my socks off. Their responses can be laddened with emotions, but not so much so that the response is completely emotional. They think outside of the box, but not so far outside of the box that their ideas are completely abstract. They challenge but don't demean.
Perhaps most importantly, F and H lead by example. They are positive role models. They never blame anyone else for their not finishing an assignment. They never back down from a challenge. And I can always count on them to keep the group grounded.
They've both crept up on me, each right around the time they become seniors. I find it fascinating. I'm incredibly grateful. I see the torch being passed, and the quiet leader actually being able to handle more pressure, be more sure of themselves, and bring an incredibly array of positive qualities to our work. I feel like if I would have blinked at the wrong moment, I would have missed the metamorphisis.
I'm grateful for all my leaders - no matter the form. But I'm even more grateful that they're all different. And I look forward to seeing how the quiet ones assert themselves more in the coming weeks...
But in my work, I have come across two strong 'quiet' leaders. These are the people who make incredibly thoughtful responses to issues that are raised. They challenge the more vocal leaders, not by undermining their leadership, but by pushing the envelope. They pay attention to the details, and think of new ways to present information.
But they are also cheerleaders. They pick us up when we are down. They look for the positive angle, but aren't afraid of negativity. They can handle the truth, and are not crippled by it.
And, I've noticed, they tend to be very creative and artistic. My quiet leaders, F and H, on the surface, may seem incredibly different, but when I look at how they lead, they are so similar. They both see things differently than the vocal leaders. They both bring an incredible sense of self and goals to the team. They are able to describe theories with imagery that just knocks my socks off. Their responses can be laddened with emotions, but not so much so that the response is completely emotional. They think outside of the box, but not so far outside of the box that their ideas are completely abstract. They challenge but don't demean.
Perhaps most importantly, F and H lead by example. They are positive role models. They never blame anyone else for their not finishing an assignment. They never back down from a challenge. And I can always count on them to keep the group grounded.
They've both crept up on me, each right around the time they become seniors. I find it fascinating. I'm incredibly grateful. I see the torch being passed, and the quiet leader actually being able to handle more pressure, be more sure of themselves, and bring an incredibly array of positive qualities to our work. I feel like if I would have blinked at the wrong moment, I would have missed the metamorphisis.
I'm grateful for all my leaders - no matter the form. But I'm even more grateful that they're all different. And I look forward to seeing how the quiet ones assert themselves more in the coming weeks...
Friday, September 4, 2009
Trials and Tribulations...of a launch
This week, I've learned an important lesson: never underestimate the power of support.
As the launch date of our project approached on Tuesday, the youth were clearly excited. They were anxious, yes, but ready. The last couple of weeks of prep work certainly had its moments, but overall, things really came together.
And launch day came...and OH BOY. Talk about not working out! When I woke up, I tested the system - and it didn't work. At that moment, my stomach turned into a knot. A total knot.
I proceeded to spend about 2 hours on the phone with tech-support. And I thought I'd fixed it - but with one challenge still looming (the issue of being a 'subscriber'), but one thought we could get around.
So, Tuesday night, I went to our weekly meeting and skyped with our expert as the youth listened. As I layed out what I had found out earlier in the day, we found out that, despite what the company had told me earlier, the glitch was not fixed. I felt so incredibly badly. I felt like they had done their part, and I had failed in doing mine. The company we had contracted with didn't seem to have the product we needed.
So, after explaining the situation, we decided to call tech support on speaker phone, with the expert on skype and the teens listening.
The empowering thing? They all stood behind me. They all pumped me up and told me to be strong. They knew that this kind of conflict often intimidated me. Mostly, I think they were concerned that I seemed as calm as I did.
Sadly, tech support didn't answer. I called them back later in the night, with S, the expert, on skype again. After more than an hour, and numerous attempts at getting around the poorly-designed system, they told us our sales rep would call us in the morning. S, in the meantime, had found another company who might be able to help out, so we called her contact there. We got the answers we needed. I should probably mention that S was in the UK, and we didn't get off the phone until 10pm my time. Hm, she poured her heart into helping to solve the problem.
Needless to say, I was pretty certain at this point that the original company had sold us a product they didn't have. I was stressed, but calm (don't ask, I don't get it either - it is like I focus so intently on the problem, that I appear calm, hmmm).
Wednesday morning, the sales rep called. And after 10 minutes of her trying to blame us, and me explaining that she'd never told us they couldn't provide the service we really wanted (I had reviewed EVERY email, EVERY word of the contract, EVERY correspondence - and NO where did they say it wouldn't work!), she said she'd cancel the contract - AND refund the money. And the new company? They're actually cheaper! :)
So, we have to change our promotion materials because our carrier has changed. BUT - it was the youth who really pumped me up.
S wrote an incredibly flattering email to them all - thanking them for pumping me up, and congratulating me. For a moment, I realized I'd been mentored like I hoped to mentor the young people. The youth responded - with wonderful words and super support. I'm so indebted to S. Grateful to have her along on this journey...
And today, on the yutes' day off, we met and ironed out all the details...it was awesome.
So, through all the challenges and tribulations of a few really stressful days , I saw how resilient we all are. I saw how keeping my cool, but being strong, was really the best course of action. And how the youth and I and S really are a team - that we all need one another. That it takes all of us to make our project work.
I'm grateful. Incredibly grateful. And buoyed by the support. Who could ask for anything more?
As the launch date of our project approached on Tuesday, the youth were clearly excited. They were anxious, yes, but ready. The last couple of weeks of prep work certainly had its moments, but overall, things really came together.
And launch day came...and OH BOY. Talk about not working out! When I woke up, I tested the system - and it didn't work. At that moment, my stomach turned into a knot. A total knot.
I proceeded to spend about 2 hours on the phone with tech-support. And I thought I'd fixed it - but with one challenge still looming (the issue of being a 'subscriber'), but one thought we could get around.
So, Tuesday night, I went to our weekly meeting and skyped with our expert as the youth listened. As I layed out what I had found out earlier in the day, we found out that, despite what the company had told me earlier, the glitch was not fixed. I felt so incredibly badly. I felt like they had done their part, and I had failed in doing mine. The company we had contracted with didn't seem to have the product we needed.
So, after explaining the situation, we decided to call tech support on speaker phone, with the expert on skype and the teens listening.
The empowering thing? They all stood behind me. They all pumped me up and told me to be strong. They knew that this kind of conflict often intimidated me. Mostly, I think they were concerned that I seemed as calm as I did.
Sadly, tech support didn't answer. I called them back later in the night, with S, the expert, on skype again. After more than an hour, and numerous attempts at getting around the poorly-designed system, they told us our sales rep would call us in the morning. S, in the meantime, had found another company who might be able to help out, so we called her contact there. We got the answers we needed. I should probably mention that S was in the UK, and we didn't get off the phone until 10pm my time. Hm, she poured her heart into helping to solve the problem.
Needless to say, I was pretty certain at this point that the original company had sold us a product they didn't have. I was stressed, but calm (don't ask, I don't get it either - it is like I focus so intently on the problem, that I appear calm, hmmm).
Wednesday morning, the sales rep called. And after 10 minutes of her trying to blame us, and me explaining that she'd never told us they couldn't provide the service we really wanted (I had reviewed EVERY email, EVERY word of the contract, EVERY correspondence - and NO where did they say it wouldn't work!), she said she'd cancel the contract - AND refund the money. And the new company? They're actually cheaper! :)
So, we have to change our promotion materials because our carrier has changed. BUT - it was the youth who really pumped me up.
S wrote an incredibly flattering email to them all - thanking them for pumping me up, and congratulating me. For a moment, I realized I'd been mentored like I hoped to mentor the young people. The youth responded - with wonderful words and super support. I'm so indebted to S. Grateful to have her along on this journey...
And today, on the yutes' day off, we met and ironed out all the details...it was awesome.
So, through all the challenges and tribulations of a few really stressful days , I saw how resilient we all are. I saw how keeping my cool, but being strong, was really the best course of action. And how the youth and I and S really are a team - that we all need one another. That it takes all of us to make our project work.
I'm grateful. Incredibly grateful. And buoyed by the support. Who could ask for anything more?
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