Ponderings and Revelations

Missing the past

2011-01-30T17:29:00.000-08:00

Life changes bring about new opportunities. New chances. New possibilities.
The also, inevitably, leave something behind. Perhaps, that one thing that got left behind was that which actually made the change possible. Perhaps it is a small piece of the puzzle. Perhaps it was bigger.
But it got left behind. For whatever reason. That doesn't make the change less wonderful. It doesn't make the new opportunity any less important.
Happiness about the new doesn't mean sadness about the old is automatically out of the question. No, indeed, sometimes missing the past makes the present that much more cherishable.

Reflections

2011-01-17T12:17:00.000-08:00

Since October, since I last wrote, and since I officially gave up the work that provided a lot of the material for this blog, I've been counting my blessings. I've been trying to figure out where to go from where I was. And where my priorities really lie.
And I'm working on that...
Last week, we took 12 former teen members out to dinner. It was amazing. We spent more than 3 hours together. Just going around the table, and having everyone update us all on what they're doing took a long time.
But it was incredibly cool. For the first time, I shared a little bit more about me - I talked about my grandfather and grandmother, both of whom I miss greatly. I showed them a ribbon that my grandfather wore in his lapel, identifying him as having been knighted. And the young woman sitting next to me said, "So the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I didn't have a response. I'd never thought of it like that.
Each young person (because really, they aren't teens any more) was so comfortable with themselves. And hearing what they're all doing, what each of them are upto and how they are each trying to figure out what their dreams are was awesome. And they're not intimidated by one another - which is so important to me.
Two days after the dinner, I met up with a couple of the younger teens (the ones who ARE still teens). I was just helping them fill out some forms, and it wasn't going to take long. But then we ended up chatting for a while in the FREEZING cold. And the conversation was good. They were honest with me about a few things that they hadn't been able to tell me before. And they talked about how much the teen group had meant to them.
And I realized, despite what I thought, the group had a bigger impact on each of them than I thought. It WAS a safe space. It was everything I wanted it to be - focused on the youth, and not on the adults leading them.
And so, as I close that chapter for good, I hope the teens understand that they've been just as important to me, as I have to them. I'm grateful that never changed...

Taking Stock

2010-10-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

In the last 5 months, I have lost two grandparents and a coworker. I lost one of my jobs, the one that gave me the most joy. I have been betrayed by a woman who I once called a friend and colleague. I crashed my bike once. Two of my loved ones have been deeply hurt and betrayed by an outsider. I bowed out of a triathlon because of a severe case of bronchitis. I have cried. A Lot. I have made some mistakes. My favorite cyclist has been accused of doping. I have not learned how to say no.

On the other hand, in those same 5 months, I have honored the lives of 2 people who were deeply a part of my life, and one who inspired me professionally. I have spent some much needed grieving time with my family, including those I don't see often. I spent about a total of 10 days with my niece and nephew. I paved the way for a former teen to go back to college, and am watching him thrive. I camped with a close friend and mentor in the French Alps. We presented our project at an international conference and I've got 2 more in the next 10 days. I went to an amazing international conference. I saw three stages of the Tour de France. I competed in 5 triathlons, with personal bests in all 5. I ran in 7 running races. I rode in one ride for charity. I swam faster than ever. And I have made new friends. I watched 4 more teens head off to college. I still have one fulltime job and two parttimes. And I'm working on a plan to still work with the youth...

...Not that it hasn't been hard, but I'm working to turn the corner...

I will NOT back down. And I won't give in.

Birthdays

2010-04-25T16:39:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've given into lots of reminiscing. On a recent day, I was thinking about birthdays. Not my own, but of others'. With the youth, I've always thought celebrating birthdays was important. It is the one day that you get to really focus in on the one person - on making sure that person feels needed, loved, cared about...
When I was younger, I don't think they mattered much to me - birthdays, that is. I've never been one to advertise my own, though I do enjoy having a few friends over just to enjoy some time together.
But it was by celebrating someone else's that I first realized how powerful celebrating someone else's life could be.
It was early December 2001. My friend Kathy and I had been in Mumbai, India for just about two weeks. We weren't there as tourists. We were there to learn, to share and to get to know people. I'd taken a two month sabbatical from a job that just didn't pull at my heart-strings. Kathy had taken 3 weeks to start off the experience with me. If you asked my dad what I was doing, or where I was going, he would have said (and proudly, most preferably at church) "She's going to volunteer in a brothel in India." Yeah, he liked to make it sound kind of racey!
The truth was, Kathy and I had been volunteering with a non-profit in DC that provided services to women, men and children who worked the streets. We loved the outreach - we loved the people, and we were pretty good listeners. We laughed, we cried, we handed out condoms. Then, at my day job, my boss had gotten to know a young woman who had just made a documentary on the selling of girls in Nepal, who were then trafficked into sex work in Mumbai. I got to know Ruchi, and one random day, asked how I might be able to help.
Ruchi had just begun a drop-in center-like place just out side of the red-light district in Mumbai, and said it would be great if I wanted to travel there for a month or two to get to know the women there. I jumped at the chance and Kathy tagged along (she later told me she never thought I'd really go through with it, but was glad I did). It turned out to be one of the most impressionable experiences of my life.
Anyway, yes, I know - I was talking about birthdays.
You see, the people we met there, were amazing. They had nothing, but would give us the shirts of their backs, if they could. They invited us to their World AIDS Day celebration, just a few days after we got there. Kathy and I went. It was after this that the woman, who led us by the hand into the crowded theater where the celebration was taking place (we'll call her Suri), told us her birthday was a few days away.
Well, Kathy and I decided to get her a cake and oranges or something like that What did we know, we weren't sure what the etiquette said, but wanted to acknowledge that it was her birthday. To be honest, I don't remember much about the birthday celebration (except for Suri's smile).
What I remember is that 2 months later, when I was saying my last tearful goodbyes, as everyone who worked at the Centre said a few words about our time together, that Suri said, through her tears, that this past birthday had been the first that anyone had celebrated for her. I'd been clueless as to what that one small little thing had meant to her. But her response to it has stayed with me all these years.
And so we started a tradition. I knew when everyone's birthday was, and for the next few years, as the Centre continued to exist like I knew it, I would call on everyone's birthday. It wasn't a big group, just 3 or 4 women. And the calls were probably pretty funny, since they didn't speak much English, and my Hindi is even less existent, but they were times to say "Happy Birthday, I love you and I miss you."
Suri and most of the other women I knew there have passed away. But one remains. And every year, on her birthday, I call her. She doesn't work for the Centre any more, where she was a social worker. And there have been years when I didn't know how to get in touch with her. But I do now - and she knows how to get in touch with me. And each, on the other's birthday, makes that call across all those miles.
But the tradition continues...now the youth are the recipients of this tradition. They've come to expect it - even putting cake requests in ahead of time.
A birthday is an excellent reason to give someone a very special warm fuzzy just for them. And an awesome day to remember those who can't get their warm fuzzies in person. I wonder whether Suri knows how important her legacy is...

Culture & How to Use it Against Them

2010-04-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

Honoring our youth is really an international issue - and in some places, it is an imperative. I've just finished reading "Culture is our Weapon" by Patrick Neate and Damian Platt. This is an account of the work of the NGO AfroReggae in the favelas of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. The favelas are the areas of the city, the neighborhoods in the hills, where most of the poorer residents of Rio live.
I've been to Rio twice, once last summer, and once 10.5 years ago. Both times, I visited a favela - two different ones. The first time, it was one of Rio's most well-known and biggest favelas, and our tour-guide was a resident of that favela. Last year, it felt much more like a tourist attraction - our guide was a Frenchman who had recently settled in Rio. Most of the people we saw were the electricians sent by the national grid to install electric boxes so that residents could get 'official' electricity. Clearly, there were many improvements - from the new cement steps to the painted and re-novated homes. And then there was the 'spot' where Michael Jackson recorded one of his videos. Ten years ago, 'favela tours' were new - and apparently rare. My friend and I were incredibly grateful to Ricco, our guide. Last year, I felt like I was watching a show.
Truth be told, I've been intrigued by the favelas since my first visit, and have watched many of the most well known movies and documentaries on the topic - City of God, Favela Rising, City of Men.
Why intrigued? For many of the reasons that "Culture is Our Weapon" lays out - these neighborhoods, which are not even legal, are full of life, yet full of violence. There are tons of children, yet very few, if any, schools. There are few jobs, but lots of opportunities for o trafico (the criminal sphere, including the drug trafficking). There is lots of culture, yet factions ruling many areas. All these contradictions. All the confusion.
But Culture is our Weapon gives hope. AfroReggae lures the kids, the young traffickers (and sometimes even the older ones) away from the criminality - and tries to capitalise on their creativity - on their ability to make their energy into something good, something positive. AfroReggae isn't just about music -it is about giving young people the tools they need to do well - whether it is a dance class, a computer lesson or any one of a number of other programs. It isn't about one size fits all - it changes depending on the favela the programming is setting up shop in (there are over 500 favelas in Rio).
It builds on relationships and partnerships between the leaders of AfroReggae and residents of the different favelas. Each AfroReggae chapter has a coordinator, and is set up to meet the needs of the particular community. It sometimes takes a couple of years for a program to really take off - without the buy-in of the community, it would be nothing.
Sure, AfroReggae has a leader - or a couple of leaders. But, in addition to bringing the news of AfroReggae around the world, they empower the local favela coordinators - the residents of the favela, the people who WANT something else, something better, something more.
In the end, it is about saving lives. The lives of the children of the favelas, who are left behind by the 'official' world, the children who, before AfroReggae, seemed to have less of a chance of making it into adulthood than that frog crossing the highway. It is about meeting the needs of a group of people - to help them make a difference in their lives, to give them the option to NOT get involved in the drugs or violence.
AfroReggae is working on becoming self-sufficient and restructuring. From what I can tell, about two-thirds of those who join AfroReggae stay away from o trafico, and stay in AfroReggae.
I find it hopeful. I find it creative. And I really loved reading about it.
But most of all, it was so important to know that objects aren't always what they seem. And tourism is sometimes just a show. But digging deeper, in many ways, brings more hope and a much better understanding.

If you ever have the chance to go to Rio, I recommend it - it is a fascinating city. In the meantime, pick up Culture is Our Weapon it is a fascinating read (and as a side note, it was a gift from my mom, who is eagerly waiting to read it herself).

Growing

2010-04-12T14:55:00.000-07:00

As I sit here at my desk, and look out of my window, I can't help but notice the new buds on the trees, the sprinkling of pollen, the sun being out (and being out longer) and hearing the voices and giggles of children playing outside carry in through that open window.
It is a time of rebirth, a time of newness, but also means the arrival of allergies and asthma, brought on by all those signs of spring.
It made me think that sometimes even growth can be hard. I like to pitch growth as a wonderful aspect of life, and a great opportunity for newness and new opportunities. But sometimes, it is really hard to look past the immediate challenges it brings on.
Just thinking about it makes me shudder. Remember when your dad would tell you "It builds character" (UGH!) or someone tells you "If it doesn't kill you, it will make you stronger" (OUCH!). Sometimes, looking at the bright side just doesn't cut it. Or what if that bright side isn't really what I was hoping for?
In the past few months, the growth of the group has both inhibited it, and sparked new change. But these seem to be changes that we are all struggling with. We grew because of our success. But now that growth is hampering us.
In a few weeks, the majority of the youth will be graduating from high school. But, because of any one of a number of things, our success is leaving us very short on new youth to carry the torch. We're trying to recruit, but perhaps we're too intimidating. Some of the youth who aren't graduating have kind of grown beyond the group - they've gotten what they need on Tuesday nights, and are now feeding their appetites in other ways - whether through music, sports or jobs.
I harbor the youth no illwill for this - in fact I completely understand it. Sometimes, when you're given the opportunity to grow, you have to take it, even if it means hampering someone else. The growth of the youth is just like the pollen - great in and of itself, but for some, it leaves a nasty allergic reaction. Their growth has left a void in the group - it has left us short-handed.
But I know that youth groups go through change, ebb and flow, get bigger and then smaller.
This growth spurt, too, shall pass. Let's just hope our budding flowers drop seeds for next year's buds.

Large Milestones

2010-03-09T12:18:00.000-08:00

Team TADD celebrated a large milestone last week. We celebrated our 5th Anniversary. In case you are keeping track, that is over 250 meetings, more than 1,000 hours of meeting time and we've lost track of how many people.
We invited the Board to come, and some did. And we had food, of course. I wasn't sure what to expect of the evening, or what exactly I hoped we would do. But it all just came together awesomely.
We had new youth (first meeting), we had old youth (two of the four original members), we had youth who had only come once or twice, we had youth who have graduated... You name it, they were there. But there were still a LOT who weren't there. We remembered them. We named them by name. We giggled. We laughed.
And then I did warm fuzzies. Usually when I do warm fuzzies, I throw the little pom-pom-like fuzzballs out to them all at once with a comment about why - because of their hardwork, because we've accomplished something, because...
But last Tuesday, I did them individually. I walked around the table, with about 20 teens (ok, so some of them are in their 20s now...), and one by one talked about why they were special, what they contributed and what I remember most. And that I appreciate them. I knew from the outset I might cry - and said so, which led to them making lots of fun of me, which meant I didn't cry, which was awesome for me (I think they were secretly disappointed!).
Walking behind each one, placing my hand on their shoulder, holding their warm fuzzy out, I spent time thinking about each one of them. And talking about them. And at the end of every one, they all clapped for one another.
It was a wonderful trip down memory lane. And an amazing opportunity for me to really let the young folks know how much they mean to me. It was my soul food.
Each Board member go their own warm fuzzy, too, as did our special guests.
After I was done, many of them came up to me and gave me a hug, or told me about the impact I'd had on their lives or what Team TADD meant to them. I was so touched. For some of them, to open their hearts to me was a big step. For others, it was a natural progression. For me, it was a gift.
It reminded me of why I do this work. I have been getting so wrapped up in the politics, the difficulties, the challenges - not of working with the youth, but of everything else.
I don't know that I'll make it to Year 10. But at this moment, that doesn't matter. What matters is: for a group of young folks who meet once a week and have created some amazing projects, and even more wonderful relationships, Team TADD should be proud. Proud of who they are. Proud of their contribution. Proud of their visions. Proud for giving so much when it feels like the world gives so little.
I know that no matter where I go, what I do or who I meet, Team TADD will always hold a special spot in my heart. And that is a gift I could never have asked for five years ago!

What Gives?! :)

2010-02-28T17:04:00.000-08:00

You know, it is interesting... I tend to think about writing this blog when I'm exercising. And that is great. Except that means that I'm never at a computer when I think of the topics I want to write about. And because I'm not at a computer then, I tend to forget when I AM behind a computer. Somehow, I guess I think the blog will write itself when I'm thinking about it. Apologies...it means you miss out, while I still benefit by thinking about it.
The last six weeks have been productive. The youth continue to amaze me. And there's a lot I could talk about. But instead of talking about "What gives", I really want to talk about "Who gives."
Lest you think that I manage TADD on my own - I have some amazing people in my corner. And so do the youth.
Linda has been on this amazing journey with me. She's been there since Day 1. In fact it was Linda who knew the "Four Fathers" (their words, not mine!) and let me start to try to get them to meet on Tuesday nights, when the police had Teen Night, which got canceled. I know the FourFathers didn't like it much in the beginning, they stuck with me. And I'm sure that I owe Linda for a good bit of that!
Linda has been through the ups and downs. She's been paid for her time. She's volunteered her time. She's propped me up when I needed it, and supported me. She's been there when I couldn't be. She's helped the young folks through tough times. She's been there, celebrating with them, in good times. She's known many of these young folks since they were wee little things.
She's such an important piece of the puzzle. She was often the connection to The Board. She's kept me in the loop when decisions are being made. She's let me vent. She's told me when to stop.
But more than that, in these past 5 years, she's become my friend. And she gives.

One thing I shouldn't do: Sweat the small stuff

2010-01-17T20:28:00.000-08:00

Some days, I admit that I forget why I do this work. I get caught up in the day-to-day drama. The background work, advocacy and politics of working with youth (because unfortunately, there's ALWAYS a something to address). I don't mind being protective. I don't mind doing all I can to make sure that the youth are given every opportunity to succeed. I don't mind working hard. I don't mind doing more than what's expected of me. I don't mind doing everything I can to make sure my job is done well.
But sometimes, it gets a little discouraging. When you work towards something, and work hard, but people make decisions that impact the work you're doing, the details can take over. And I can get caught up in those details, instead of focusing on the big picture. I can forget that, in the end, it is the one-on-one with the youth that matters.
But it seems as though, when I forget that, a little birdie comes flying in my window to remind me.
I got one of those reminders this week. We were sitting down with youth individually, talking about what some of their concerns were, what they liked, and gave them an opportunity to give the advisors some direct feedback - both positive and negative.
These meetings have really been important to me in the past years. It gives the youth a chance to talk one-on-one. It is a way to take away the peer pressure and group-think that may happen on occasion. It has also provided us with a chance to address any problem behaviors. I have to say, this last item has rarely happened, but when it has, the youth have really responded to it well.
With these latest round of meetings, I got hit, head on, with how important this team is to the youth. L, one of the wonderful youth, was overcome with emotion as she talked about how important the group is to her. How it has provided her with opportunities that she didn't imagine she'd have. That she looks forward to seeing how she can "Pay It Forward' in the future. That L is empowered that she can influence other young people, and watching her own progression in the team and growth as a person has really inspired her. She wants to share the cheer.
Waterworks, anyone? Really. This is what I forget. That the youth get more out of the team than just the quantifiable outcomes. That the bigger picture includes giving youth a safe space to be themselves. That there's so much more than just having a successful project.
But mostly, it is just important to remember that I shouldn't sweat the small stuff. That I need to keep my eye on the prize. And that just when I think: my work here is done. It isn't. There's always more to do.
And if I ever forget it, I just need to give L a call. She'll put me in my place.

January is National Mentoring Month

2010-01-10T15:48:00.000-08:00

President Obama declared January National Mentoring Month. I'm stoked, because I think this is a highly under-valued role that we, as adults, play in our young people's lives.
To me, mentoring is an important not only because of the effect it can have on young people, but also because of how much I learn.
Mentoring is a way to keep in touch with what is going on in our young people's lives - their lives are so different than ours were when we were their age. The challenges they face are different, and so are their accomplishments. To understand how to advocate for our young people, and to help them become the best adults they can, we have to know where they are coming from and where they want to go.
I think we, as adults, are often intimidated by the idea of mentoring. But the great thing is, it can be whatever it needs to be. Is it just a conversation in a car while you're driving to a sporting event? Is it sharing a cup of hot cocoa after shoveling some walks together? Is it chatting about a new issue, or book or something else? It means having a conversation that helps develop the thinking process of a young person, but it also means listening to them.
I consider being a mentor, or a positive adult role model, as my number one responsibility. Working with teens, that isn't hard. It is the piece I admit I enjoy the most. And the dividends are enormous. Since the beginning of December, I've had a few conversations with different teens and other young adults about where they see themselves going, about their needs, about how I might be able to help them, or not. And most common response is: 'Thank you for being there - which to me is so amazing. To them, the fact that someone takes time to listen to them, to chat with them, to trouble-shoot with them, is the most important. That I can try to help find solutions to the problems or challenges is almost secondary.
If you would have told me five years ago, that I'd be mentoring these young folks, that I would love this as much as I do, I probably would have looked at you dumbfounded. I had no idea then. And, it is only because one person had enough faith in me to try this project, that I even figured that out.
It just so happens that that one person was also my mentor.

Teens Rock! And Some Adults Do, Too!

2009-11-22T15:27:00.000-08:00

As I've written before, we launched a pilot about 3 months ago for a texting project. We requested the initial 3-month time-line in the hopes that we could see if we could make our program work.

A few weeks ago, I went to the program that funds the project, at the request of the youth, to request an extension. And we got it! YAY!

The teens sent me into the meeting with two simple messages: we love you (to the program manager); and can we have another 3 months? The Program Manager sent me back with two messages: I love you too; and Yes, what else do you need?

Being able to bring such great news back to the team was fabulous. Everyone was so excited. Not only was it an affirmation that their project is worthy of being extended (and so being deemed successful), but also showed that the Program Manager believes in them.

This particular Program Manager has been supportive of the group since we first got started almost 5 years ago. She was really supportive when we tried to launch a public service announcement about 9 months into our first year together. She spent time meeting with them, providing feedback and just being supportive.

Granted the team today has very different members, some of whom she's only met once (when we did the initial proposal). Yet, she believes enough in them, and their work to provide them with the financial support they need.

Finding adults who believe in youth isn't always easy. Nor is it always genuine. But when we do find them, they have a profound affect on the young people, in a bigger way than most of us will ever know.

Have you supported a teen today?

An Important Reminder

2009-11-18T17:40:00.000-08:00

...sometimes, even the most confident, self-assured young person enjoys a little one-on-one time. And in the last few weeks, I've had the privilege of spending some one-on-one time with some of these wonderful young people. And I have to say, it always feels good to hear what they're REALLY thinking...and amazing how appreciative they are of that time.
I am, too. It reminds me of the importance of the little things in life.

Expressions of Trust: the on-going growth of the Quiet Leader

2009-10-29T17:37:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the Quiet Leader. The one who brings leadership to the team queitly, but powerfully so. She does much of her leading when no one else is looking, and does so in an unthreatening way.
She's continued to do well, taking on more responsibility.
But there's another piece to her now, too. She seems to be trusting me more. She hates talking on the phone, yet I get calls from her, telling me about the newest advertising wave. She cracks jokes, in a mature, yet hysterical fashion. And she calls me out on things when she thinks I need calling out on.
And it is this last piece that is really inspiring. For QL to feel confident enough in herself that she can put me in my place, is really rewarding. She has this great way of doing it - like when she calls her peers out on something - she does so with humor, class and style.
A few weeks ago, she called me out on the fact that I had clearly seen a message on her FB (not that it was hidden, but I try not to read their walls too often - status, yes, walls, no). She called me a 'creeper' - and it became an on-going joke. I started signing emails as G-creeper, she called me G-creeper. But I noticed that this on-going joke seemed to increase her trust in me. Last weekend, she changed the creeper to 'overly affectionate'. Cute.
Later, I had a conversation with one of her friends. Turns out QL has been having a really hard month, and hasn't really been communicating with some of her closest friends. She'd felt a little isolated from them for a variety of reasons, and had been hurt by it. I finally put the pieces together this past weekend. And sent her an email, thanking her for all her hard-work and dedication. She wrote back, saying it was she who should thank me, for giving her the opportunity to grow and to become a leader. She's so humble. And such a role model for adults and youth.
She'll be representing us at a conference next week, and seems excited to go. I couldn't think of a better person, a better team member or a stronger leader to represent us... QL will prove the importance of being a QL.

Success!!

2009-10-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days...one of those days that I doubt I'll ever forget. Tears of pride, baby, tears of PRIDE!
During the summer, we applied to a youth conference in MA to show off our advertising campaign for our new project. About two weeks ago, we got the call that we were accepted. Our task seemed simple - put together a board showcasing all of our advertising products and talk about them to anyone who stops by our table - from 9am to 4pm.
Never, in a million years, did I imagine it would be as successful as it was. Three of the ladies took the lead. We put the board together this morning at the conference site and had extra stickers to give out...We figured there'd be some interest. And was there ever.
I stood by and watched and took photos as young people began trickling in at 9. I stood by and absorbed. I stood by and dropped my jaw. The young ladies chatted with everyone who stopped by. They engaged with everyone who hesitated at the table. They took the challenge and won over 650 young people.
Yes, that is right - 650 young people stopped by our table before the end of the day and the team wowed them all with their poise, elegance and classiness. By the time the two additional gentleman came in after 10am, the ladies were old-hat.
Between the five of them, they talked, explained and put on a show to top all shows! I admit it, I totally teared up a few times...how could I not. The youth were enjoying the praise and exhilaration that comes with doing a job, and doing it well. Their project seemed to take over the whole conference area. Everywhere I looked, there were these neon green stickers...our stickers. The black shirts that many of the young people were wearing, were the perfect backdrop for these stickers - you could see them across the ballroom!!
When the young people went off to their workshops, I stayed behind and chatted with anyone who stopped by - but felt like I couldn't do the project justice like they had been. The youth smiled when they'd walk up, and I'd hand the torch over to them...it was quite something.
And now - I'm watching the numbers...and they're looking really good.
A great day - a great presentation - great experience. Today proves that whatever these young people put their minds to, they can achieve. And it confirms to me, how truly wonderful they are. And how blessed I am to share this time with them. :)

Looking back - and forward. Hope.

2009-10-12T17:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I just find myself in a reflective mood. This weekend, I have felt more reflective than usual, perhaps because I've had a little more time to sit and reflect!
At any rate, I found myself re-reading some blog posts from the past year. And I found myself smiling, a lot. Re-reading those memories, recalling the stories behind the blogs - the highs and some of the lows was incredibly fun and encouraging.
Although looking back is not always useful, in this case, I find it to be more full-filling. The young peeps, some a little older now than when I originally wrote about them (well, ok, they're all older, but some have just graduated to Mentorship), have grown into their new roles. And others, who disappeared for as much as a year, have returned, at least on the fringes.
The ups and downs, the ins and outs. They're all fun to remember - for in every down, we learned a lesson. In every up, we celebrated.
But to see how young people, new ones all the time, continue to CARE about their community. Continue to WANT to make a difference. Continue to be PASSIONATE about their work. It encourages me. It gives me HOPE.
It reminds me that, though we sometimes wish life was a straight road, the curves can be just as pleasing. They sometimes provide more sustainence than we give them credit for. Or at least, than I give them credit for.
And while I really am surprised by how long I've been writing this blog (although I admit I'm a little sporadic at it!), it is how quickly that time has gone that has REALLY surprised me. I feel like I blink and I miss a whole year. Call me nostalgic, if you will (go ahead, I admit it, I'm being nostalgic), but I'm not really. I feel like each week, my heart grows as another young person siddles into a new section of it. And each week, I see the change happening before my very eyes.
I'm buoyed by the growth of the young people. I'm encouraged by their dedication. I'm ready to see how things stand one year from now. But mostly, I'm really just grateful to know so many amazing young people. And even more grateful that they care, want and are passionate about change. They are hope.

Watching young people succeed

2009-10-09T15:14:00.000-07:00

Although one day can make my heart snap, another can make it soar with pride. Young people, and their ability and knowledge and drive, know what they want, and how they want it.
As I mentioned earlier, we launched a project in early September. It has been a really fun time, though not without a few stressful moments!
But, the thing that I love is that, whatever else we think, the youth keep reminding us that this project is 'youth driven.' That's right - when I, or another advisor, makes a suggestion that is a little more adult-focused than youth focused, we get the ixnay.
For example, someone gave us funding for an additional 100 t-shirts. Of course this meant that we had to come up with a plan for these new products. The other advisor and I suggested maybe the coaches of the school's sports teams and/or some of the favorite teachers wearing them.
Well, the young peeps said, um, how about we ask the CAPTAINS of the teams to wear them, and then some of the other students we know are leaders?
Oh right. That makes sense. In fact, it makes a lot more sense! And I'm sure it has a lot more pull.
It is a great sign. To me, it means that they are taking ownership. They're thinking about how they would be intrigued enough to use the new service.
When I recently selected a pretty flashy pencil to order, they ixnayed that, too. Choosing, instead, a pencil that changes colors when you touch it.
I love the ownership. I am empowered by their leadership. And while they aren't all able to come to the meetings at the moment, they're engaged in the project. They're communicating with one another.
And the smile on their faces when they hear how someone liked their project, or made a comment about how cool it was, is priceless.
I'm lucky to work with them. And that we've found a few adults who are incredibly supportive of them.
They make all the heart-snapping oh-so-worth-it!

When my heart snaps...

2009-09-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

I often like to share positive, empowering stories. I like to showcase how great working with youth can be. How they overcome adversity. How they are able to deal with so many things at once.
But life isn't always so peachy-king. And I have to say that this is a blog I've gone back and forth on very many times. But it is sitting with me. And the situation is taking a lot of my thought.
This story is one that I really hope has a happy ending. But it is hard to tell...
A young man. A strong young man. With many amazing traits. Great leadership skills. And a personality that knocks everyone's socks off.
But underneath, things lurk. Troubles lurk. Pain lurks. Worry. Heartache. An unwielding unease.
Its been a challenge that W, as I'll call him, has been facing for a long time. He's dealt with it in others, but now he sees it in himself. And its gotten pretty bad. And by pretty bad, I can't even tell you how bad.
He's a young man who wants to go places. Who wants to get some zest out of life. He's a young man who could go as far as the moon.
But now, with these new challenges, we have a hard time even seeing next week coming. Oh sure, there's help. There's always help. And luckily, there are people who want to help him.
But that doesn't mean that, every time he tells me that another, rough chapter has opened, my heart doesn't break. I can hear it snap. Perhaps worse than that snap, is that I can see in his eyes that he knows it snapped. He doesn't want me to worry, he says. How can I not? As an advisor, as a mentor, it is my job to support the young people in whatever way they need it. And sometimes, that means that my own emotions get involved. And sometimes it is truely hard.
I told him he doesn't have to worry about my worrying. That the tears he saw in my eyes that day were because I'd never want anyone to have to deal with what he's dealing with. That I'd much rather worry than not know.That I am grateful that he trusts me enough to tell me.
Because in the end, all I can offer him is support. And caring. The rest, I have to leave up to the professionals. And I just hope that they are the best professionals out there. Because W deserves nothing less than the best. W, I hope you know that. W, I believe in you - and I always will...

The Quiet Leader

2009-09-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

In society, I think we tend to think of leaders as the people who stand out, who are always vocal, who focus in on the way that things should be done.
But in my work, I have come across two strong 'quiet' leaders. These are the people who make incredibly thoughtful responses to issues that are raised. They challenge the more vocal leaders, not by undermining their leadership, but by pushing the envelope. They pay attention to the details, and think of new ways to present information.
But they are also cheerleaders. They pick us up when we are down. They look for the positive angle, but aren't afraid of negativity. They can handle the truth, and are not crippled by it.
And, I've noticed, they tend to be very creative and artistic. My quiet leaders, F and H, on the surface, may seem incredibly different, but when I look at how they lead, they are so similar. They both see things differently than the vocal leaders. They both bring an incredible sense of self and goals to the team. They are able to describe theories with imagery that just knocks my socks off. Their responses can be laddened with emotions, but not so much so that the response is completely emotional. They think outside of the box, but not so far outside of the box that their ideas are completely abstract. They challenge but don't demean.
Perhaps most importantly, F and H lead by example. They are positive role models. They never blame anyone else for their not finishing an assignment. They never back down from a challenge. And I can always count on them to keep the group grounded.
They've both crept up on me, each right around the time they become seniors. I find it fascinating. I'm incredibly grateful. I see the torch being passed, and the quiet leader actually being able to handle more pressure, be more sure of themselves, and bring an incredibly array of positive qualities to our work. I feel like if I would have blinked at the wrong moment, I would have missed the metamorphisis.
I'm grateful for all my leaders - no matter the form. But I'm even more grateful that they're all different. And I look forward to seeing how the quiet ones assert themselves more in the coming weeks...

Trials and Tribulations...of a launch

2009-09-04T19:25:00.000-07:00

This week, I've learned an important lesson: never underestimate the power of support.
As the launch date of our project approached on Tuesday, the youth were clearly excited. They were anxious, yes, but ready. The last couple of weeks of prep work certainly had its moments, but overall, things really came together.
And launch day came...and OH BOY. Talk about not working out! When I woke up, I tested the system - and it didn't work. At that moment, my stomach turned into a knot. A total knot.
I proceeded to spend about 2 hours on the phone with tech-support. And I thought I'd fixed it - but with one challenge still looming (the issue of being a 'subscriber'), but one thought we could get around.
So, Tuesday night, I went to our weekly meeting and skyped with our expert as the youth listened. As I layed out what I had found out earlier in the day, we found out that, despite what the company had told me earlier, the glitch was not fixed. I felt so incredibly badly. I felt like they had done their part, and I had failed in doing mine. The company we had contracted with didn't seem to have the product we needed.
So, after explaining the situation, we decided to call tech support on speaker phone, with the expert on skype and the teens listening.
The empowering thing? They all stood behind me. They all pumped me up and told me to be strong. They knew that this kind of conflict often intimidated me. Mostly, I think they were concerned that I seemed as calm as I did.
Sadly, tech support didn't answer. I called them back later in the night, with S, the expert, on skype again. After more than an hour, and numerous attempts at getting around the poorly-designed system, they told us our sales rep would call us in the morning. S, in the meantime, had found another company who might be able to help out, so we called her contact there. We got the answers we needed. I should probably mention that S was in the UK, and we didn't get off the phone until 10pm my time. Hm, she poured her heart into helping to solve the problem.
Needless to say, I was pretty certain at this point that the original company had sold us a product they didn't have. I was stressed, but calm (don't ask, I don't get it either - it is like I focus so intently on the problem, that I appear calm, hmmm).
Wednesday morning, the sales rep called. And after 10 minutes of her trying to blame us, and me explaining that she'd never told us they couldn't provide the service we really wanted (I had reviewed EVERY email, EVERY word of the contract, EVERY correspondence - and NO where did they say it wouldn't work!), she said she'd cancel the contract - AND refund the money. And the new company? They're actually cheaper! :)
So, we have to change our promotion materials because our carrier has changed. BUT - it was the youth who really pumped me up.
S wrote an incredibly flattering email to them all - thanking them for pumping me up, and congratulating me. For a moment, I realized I'd been mentored like I hoped to mentor the young people. The youth responded - with wonderful words and super support. I'm so indebted to S. Grateful to have her along on this journey...
And today, on the yutes' day off, we met and ironed out all the details...it was awesome.
So, through all the challenges and tribulations of a few really stressful days , I saw how resilient we all are. I saw how keeping my cool, but being strong, was really the best course of action. And how the youth and I and S really are a team - that we all need one another. That it takes all of us to make our project work.
I'm grateful. Incredibly grateful. And buoyed by the support. Who could ask for anything more?

The Excitement of a Launch

2009-08-20T06:55:00.000-07:00

For the past year, we've been working on a project. One that is new, exciting and to our knowledge, hasn't really been tried before.
It was the brain child of the youth - while talking with an e-media expert. The youth wanted to get their messages of not drinking out in a new way - using electronic media, versus the old print media. It has taken 11 months for us to put it together - with so much planning and many different phases - and finally we all are sitting on the edge of our seats, ready to hit play!
This summer, four of the yutes have taken on additional responsibilities to make sure the project gets done. And I have to say, just when I'm not sure what will happen - they always pull through.
Take Tuesday night, for example. I was starting to get a little worried - there is still so much to do, and so little time, comparatively. One of the youth picked up on my anxiety and said that I was the only one feeling worried, and that it was all going to be fine. He he, check, got the message!
Then, using a 30-day free trial, we tested our first message. As mobile phones started buzzing, and they all looked at their phones, it was like a burst of glee! Everyone got giddy, excited and bubbly! Even one youth who doesn't have a phone claimed to get the message through ESP. I hit pauze for a moment. And looked around. And watched. And took it all in. This was one of those moments when you realize that empowering youth is the greatest gift. That giving them the space to create, plan and implement a project from start to finish, is where it is at. Sure, we've made mistakes. Sure there have been missed deadlines. But really, they've taken those in and kept going. We've overcome numerous challenges, from funding to support. From internal to external.
But that's the point - THEY'VE overcome those. They've learned from them. And they've owned them.
Let's face it - they knew what would work and what wouldn't. They were happy to tell me how they thought things should go. And with a little help (especially from our e-media expert, whome they LOVE), they've really got a great project to launch.
Watching them grow. Watching them learn. But most of all, watching them succeed. It brings tears to my eyes. I hope they know how much I appreciate them, their work, and their dedication. They are such a great reminder of everything that is right with the world.

Being a teen - like being on a cycling team?!

2009-08-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened in the last few months. Like a certain professional cycling team, the youth have been trying to find their leader. Some of the youth have brought in new team members (their friends), ultimately changing the make-up of the group, and its personality.
As with the cycling team, the personality of the Team that has been dominate for so long, is being changed by the newer members - it is a new order, a new way of working, a new way of thinking. The younger team has new ways of thinking, new ways of getting the work done and are refreshing, much like the younger personality in the cyling team.
But unlike the cycling team, the older personality and make-up of the Team, isn't complaining. They're figuring out how to work with the new group. Yes, they feel a little out of place at times, they struggle to keep up, they have to work harder when they're working. But they aren't put off, they aren't running their mouths.
Both personalities of our Team are taking the high road. They're doing what they can to work together. There are challenges, and once in a while, you get a snippy comment by one or the other, but they are committed to accept one another, to work together. Afterall, I've made it clear, I'm not taking sides - I'm hoping we'll be able to figure out who we are and stay together.
But, this also makes me think about how much being a teen is like being a part of a cylcing team. For one, you can't make it through your teen years on your own. You need to have friends around you, people to support you, to carry you when you need a little carrying, and to cheer you on when you win or when you need it most. But also, we need to be able to cheer our friends on, we need to be able to think not just of ourselves, but of all our friends. Often, we're defined by our friends as teens. We can often only be as strong as the rest of our team, our supports.
Yet, when you're a teen, you also have your own personality, and try to find your individuality, just like individual cyclists. Juxting for your own self-esteem, trying to figure out who you are... Your friends are important, but your own person is who you're looking to to promote, to develop.
So as our team works to figure out who we are, as we work to figure out who our own leader is, as we try to figure out what our priorities are, I play the role of supporter. Of confirmer. Of promoter. This amazing group of youth deserves nothing less. And time with each of them is precious.
Just for the record, however, I greatly admire the newer face on the cycling team. That face has held itself high, battled on the road and ultimately proved who is the best in the world. Bravo, AC. Bravo.

Happy 4th, Frustrating Scenarios

2009-03-24T19:22:00.000-07:00

Last month, the group celebrated its 4th anniversary. 4 years. And there are a few who have stuck it out. They're (almost) all in college now - of the original 4 in that first year, 2 are in college (and siblings), 1 is working in retail as a manager, and 1 is in school (more on that in a bit). 3 of them attend whenever they can, 2 of those at least once a month, and due to circumstances, every week at the moment. While they're definitely still young, they are definitely heading into their 20s, and never cease to make my heart swell. Their dedication and willingness to be good role models is just amazing. I find it heartening. And gives me hope.
H has always been a dreamer. An artist. A strong young man. He's always had a heart of gold, and was the first to swear to protect me, even willing to dress as a woman to run with me in a race. He's the one who had everyone sign a birthday card for me one year. And he's the one I drove home every week for almost 2 years, creating a bond that has sustained both of us. Last summer, when my nephew came to an event, H played with him for hours, and became N's hero. Last year, he took a few classes at a local two-year college, waiting to get into his four-year college. He'd love to be an art therapist, but knows he can't make it through school.
He comes from a private family, one that doesn't talk about their laundry outside of the laundry room. He has an family member, P, who is ten years his elder, who is supposed to help him make his way in life.
H has aspirations.
This year, he started at his four-year college, and the fall semester seemed to go well. But then the economy struck. Due to some happenings at home and a mix of bad timing and more stringent rules, he got shut out of a process he was eligible for.
Getting shut out of this, has meant that he has to take a semester off school, and has to come up with a solution to a rather large problem. For the last few weeks, I've been trying to trouble-shoot with him.
Luckily, a former colleague works at the university, and has offered to help. And help he has. But H still needs more support from his family to reconcile the problem. And he can't get it (it isn't that they're not willing, but even P isn't able to help this time around).
And I'm getting frustrated. Here we are, a society who prides itself at making opportunities avaialble to all young people, no matter their economic backgrounds, race, creed, sexuality, etc. And we'll set them up, but the safety net that is supposed to help catch them when they falter has disappeared. For H, this is having horrible effects. He requires a little additional help, but when you give it to him, he does exactly what he needs to do - but without it, without a little guidance, he gets lost in the shuffle.
I wish I had the resources to help him. I wish I could offer him the support he really needs. But all I can do is hook him in with people I know and help trouble-shoot.
If we, as a society, are really going to make this an equal-opportunity society, then we need to fess up and set up those safety nets. We need to commit ourselves to advocating for those who need it. We need to answer the call.
Watching H falter is painful. Luckily, he's still dreaming. But I hear those dreams getting darker every day. And if H stops dreaming, then what?

Conflict & Communication

2009-03-21T17:29:00.000-07:00

My recent lack of posts is certainly not because of a lack of activity. In fact, I'd say that the youth have been as active as ever. The youth who graduated from high school are now Mentors, and have been taking a lot of leadership and mentoring roles with the younger youth. It has been a fun process to watch. Some of the current group members have just blossomed into leaders themselves. Encouring them just a little has proven to bring out their inner-leaders. And they tend to be at least a few steps ahead of me in the project we're working on.
All the great things, though, have not necessarily meant that things have been easy. We've faced some conflict, which has tested us. But we've come out of that stronger, and more sure of ourselves.
In the midst of it, though, it was painful. It was really difficult to hear from these youth, who have so little, but give so much, about challenges they were having, and being frustrated with processes and plans. Being frustrated about how they were being treated by other adults and other youth. Being unsure about how they should negotiate these troubles, while still giving projects their all.
My biggest challenge was hearing their frustration, and knowing it was affecting their work. Listening to their frustration but not being able to do anything about it. And engaging them in conversation without laying blame on anyone for the problems.
But, I think we've come out the other side... A few weeks ago, the other advisor and I sat down with all of them, and just talked. It was a really good talk. We encouraged confidentiality, honesty and just being open. And we didn't make any promises we couldn't keep. And I think it worked. I think many of them, though not all, have re-committed themselves to working together and giving their best. We're really sorry to see one or two still struggle with their commitments. And we certainly haven't resolved everything. However, it was a good start.
It just goes to show that open and honest communication is the key.

The Importance of Election Night

2008-11-06T06:45:00.001-08:00

So it is November 4th, and the youth and I have our usual meeting that ends at 8:00. I don't get out of there until after 8:45, which is fine. It had been a very productive meeting, even if the turnout was small. The youth were interested in the election and we did talk about it for a while. It was an interesting discussion.
One of the youth, R, hadn't been able to make it that night. He was working late on a project, which he let me know about earlier in the evening. After I got home, and started watching the election night coverage (which I was anxious to see!), he texted to ask how the night went. I told him, and said hopefully he'd be able to make it next week (since it is Veteran's Day, we'll do a special dinner first). He was in complete agreement.
And then he started texting about the election. Firstly, I should mention that R has been very interested in all that's been going on. He submitted questions for the Town Hall-style debate, and seemed to be really engaged. His parents are Haitian, and so identifies himself as black. He's young and not yet able to vote.
It started out with "can you believe this is happening?" and then went on from there - he texted me every time there was a speech coming on (McCain, Obama), or after they were done. He commented on how good they were. And how amazing it was to see so many people in Chicago. And how he was so inspired.
I loved it. Firstly, that he would want to share this with me - and late into the night. I was honored. And entertained - since I'd made it clear that I was watching it all - but yet he still wanted to make sure I knew what was going on. It was awesome. It was a way to experience the election in a way that I'd never anticipated. It was sharing a unique moment in time with someone for whom it was even more important than for me.
Yesterday, the day after the election, I called one of the Elders, J, just to see how he was experiencing it. Mind you, this is a young man who had been saying that he was going to be President one day. J, too, comes from Haitian immigrant parents. It was interesting because he said he hadn't really gotten caught up in it all, until he saw how everyone else was reacting. That is what inspired him. That is what excited him. That is what gave him hope. That others were feeling the importance and the excitement of a new President who is blazing a new path for young men like J and like R. So I asked J if his goal was still to be President? And whether he was bummed he wouldn't be the first black president (ok, so I was being a bit facetious). And he said, well, Obama is the first half African-American one, so we still have a way to go.
For me, I'm excited that Obama is empowering these young men. I continue to hope that race will not play a role in our politics, even though I guess it will. But that, while these young men were young, it became clear that your race does not have to hold you back in this country. This is especially important considering the frequency with which these wonderful, inspiring, intelligent and giving young men experience racism, and often in an overt way.
I hope we continue to have these open discussions - we've always acknowledged race, and that there is still overt racism. For me, to deny that, would be to partake in it. But I hope, as Obama's Administration begins to be put together, he continues to inspire these young men, and that they continue acknowledge their race, but see that it doesn't define them. And I hope they continue to feel as though they can share these pieces with me, because they are treasures, and I'm honored to hold them.

The little things...

2008-10-15T19:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, as adults, I think we forget how the little things we do for young people can seem to mean so much.
A few months ago, one of the youth asked to borrow some money - based on fact that they were all going to get paid for a certain project. Z took me aside, and quietly asked. Not because Z wanted the newest sneakers, but because Z wanted to show how much they appreciated one of their friends (ok, I know that sentence would reallly bug my dad; I'm talking about one person, yet using the plural pronoun, but their gender is irrelevent in this story, so there you go...). It was not a lot of money, but Z clearly was not completely comfortable asking. We off went to the ATM and got the money.
And I knew I'd get it back. And last night, I did. In an envelope, placed into my bag when I wasn't looking. It was clearly the bringing together of multiple 'pots' of money. And the thank you note that went with it, was touching. The way that Z crafted their thank you. The time that went into it. It was touching. I hadn't realized how something so little, which I didn't really even think about, could cause such great gratitude.
I consider it my job to be a good role model. And I work hard at that. I'm not trying to be their friend, but I am trying to be someone they can trust, someone they can turn to for help. And this latest 'event' has shown that maybe it is easier than I think. Sure we have boundaries (I keep my private life to myself, and don't want to hear the details of their relationships), but I love that they respect that.
It may not be in my job description, but I think these little things are the most important things that I do.

Evaluation

2008-10-11T21:56:00.000-07:00

This year, in light of many changes, and the fact that sometimes I think it is good to do something differently, we're conducting our evaluation in a new way. Traditionally, our 'evaluator' has come in and done surveys with the youth - all very youth-0riented, of course, and then created a report (or promised a report) based on that.
This year, we took it into our own hands. In light of the recent departure of the "Elders", we decided that it would be good to have our first-ever "Mandatory Meeting". Glugh. And then, on top of that, we had one on one meetings with ALL the youth. Sounds like a tall order, right?
It hasn't been. The evaluation, in the form of questions that we each (yes, me too) wrote our own responses to, was very informative. Although I have yet to write the report, I think it'll show a lot of diversity, and a desire to lead.
The individual meetings have been wonderful. What a great opportunity it has been to get to spend some time with them all one-on-one. And oh how quickly the time goes by. The greatest piece is that they ALL want to take on the newer leadership roles - and they want to step up their individual games. They all have ideas on what that looks like, and how that fits together - but it has been inspiring to see them all want to take on new pieces of these puzzles.
I'm excited. Although we have yet to iron out all the details, I think when we come together this week, we'll have a clearer understanding of where we each stand. We'll begin work on some of their new project ideas, and then wipe the rest of the board completely clean, and watch us fill it up again. As they've opened up to me, I've opened up to them, and I think that's helped - at least a bit! :)
This evaluation is leading to a new beginning, one where I hope each person feels as though they are an important part of the puzzle. Because, whether they know it or not, each one of those youth has carved out a niche in my heart for themselves - even when I didn't think I could fit any more niches in.
Gotta love this work, I think I continue to learn more and gain more from this experience than they do...I just hope they know it! :)

When the young emulate the old(er)

2008-09-26T21:29:00.000-07:00

We're experiencing a new phenomenon in the group. As I mentioned, we're having a bit of a changing of the guard, with all the old(er) youth away at college, the dynamics have really changed. Some of the 'middle' group - the ones who have been around for more than a year - have started fidgeting. And some of the 'younger' group have not quite stepped up as the middle ones expected. Fair enough.
So this week, one of the other adults involved lead a session in which we all dug deep and remembered why we were there, and what we brought to the group - as well as what the group brought to us. It was a great exercise. It made me think about how I had communicated a certain way for so long, and that worked fine with the older group. But this newer group isn't the same, obviously.
After we poured our thoughts onto paper, we started a discussion. One of the middle groupers, S, suggested that we really needed to have people step up and have roles, just like the older ones had had.
I was tickled pink by that! It had never even occurred to me that as soon as the middlers were the older ones, they'd take on the same ownership! Not that I didn't think they could do it - I absolutely do. But that they would WANT to step up so readily - and clearly feel like they were ready. That I loved.
A couple of the newest kids even stepped up and shared what some of their strengths were - what they could bring to the group.
I guess I've been so caught up in trying to get things done, and keep things going, that I forgot to stop and think about what the new group would look like. And who would step up. It speaks volumes to the older yutes, that these new middlers emulate them so much, and now want to have roles just like they did.
Leadership in yutes - it just keeps paying off.
And I'm loving it!

Finding New Talents

2008-09-09T20:16:00.001-07:00

Tonight, the teens and I were working on a grant application. I'd outlined most of it, based on their ideas for the project. But some substance still needed to be added, and in true youth development fashion, they had to answer a couple of the questions.
One of the youth tonight is relatively new. I've noticed that she's a smart one, and also an amazingly caring and otherwise talented one. But it wasn't until she began re-phrasing some of the application that I realized how amazing her writing talents are.
N drafted the responses to the questions they had to answer, carefully selecting every word; and keeping the best to the very last sentence - "to blow them away," she said. Blow THEM away? She blew ME away.
I had stepped out of the room, to give them all a chance to really focus on their questions without me there. And after a few minutes N came to me and told me she didn't like how I'd phrased the goal, and what did I think of this new phrasing she came up with. Hm. I took one look at it and new I was in the presence of greatness.
This is the benefit of having the younger youth step up: they get their own times to shine, too. And shine they will.
I'm truely lucky to work with such a great bunch of youth. And grateful for N's passion for writing...

Exciting Beginnings, Anxious Endings

2008-08-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

It is that time of year again. Young people are gearing up to go back to school. Some are going to new schools. Some are returning to the same schools. Some are heading to high school, and some to college. It makes for a lot of change.

For the first time this year, our group is experiencing a lot of 'back to schoolness'. One young person has decided not to go back to school, and refocus his attention on other aspects of his life, which don't include us. We miss him. But respect his need for change. And wish him all the best.

Another one, whose life has always been a bit in flux, finally got the needed pieces together to start a new program, and will be commuting to and from that and home. His class schedule won't allow him to come to our meetings, but he is eager to stay involved online.

Two more young people are heading back to their schools for their 3rd and 4th years. They feel well-established and know what to expect, although both are in challenging programs that require lots of time and energy. Invariable, their attendance at our meetings will be scant, though their online involvement and planning are as reliable as the impending arrival of fall and winter.

And then there's X. X, this year, is embarking on a new life of sorts. He'll be entering a new school, a university that is a little drive away. He'll be living on campus, and be changing and figuring out how to negotiate all the changes that come with that.

But X is used to change. Just not this kind of change. X has had to move a number of times. He's had to change schools before. But he's always stayed within his comfort zone - that zone where he knew his support net was just minutes away. A support net that proved invaluable when he went through some huge changes a few years ago.

It was during that change that X and I really connected. He'd share his thoughts with me every week, during a time that we were guaranteed to be just the 2 of us. We'd talk, phillosophize, and I'd do all I could to support him however he needed it.

Last night, X sought out that one on one time. And from the moment it started, he began pondering how is life would be. And what kinds of changes this meant, including the fact that we wouldn't be able to see him every week. And how it would be.

The funny thing was, X had become such a constant in my work with the youth, that I began to feel those same nerves that he was talking about. He talked of adjusting to a new room-mate, I thought of having different people during our one on one time. He talked of having new responsibilities, I thought of how these changes would impact the leadership of the group. He talked of not being excited, but trying to just be, I thought of being anxious about just be-ing. I'm going to miss X. I'm excited for the new opportunities he's about to encounter. And I'm excited to hear about the new support net. And to tell him about the group, and how it is doing.

Growth and change are inevitable - finding youth who embrace it, and go for it brings a smile to my face. X knew to seek out the conversation, which tells me that he's ready for this change. And ready to take it on, even if he is slightly apprehensive

I'm so incredibly proud to be associated with these youth. Watching them grow up and out and over and above and beyond has been such a gift. But now that they're leaving the nest, I find myself anxious and sad, yet grateful for their willingness to involve me and the group in their growth.

I look at them with wonderment, and realize - I wish I could have been that poised and profound when I was in their shoes.

Communicating Failure

2008-08-18T18:09:00.000-07:00

As much as I would love for things to always go perfectly, or at least to go well, I know they won't. I know that there will be times that I will forget something. Or I will screw something up. And while I can easily take responsibility, which I do. Because if I don't, then what kind of a role model am I? A bad one.
But what do I do when someone else doesn't do something. Or when someone else ignores a task? What if this person is an adult?
I struggle with this one. As a role model, it is not my place to ever place blame on anyone else. So, for at least a while, I called it miscommunication. "Oh, Lala and I miscommunicated about who was going to mail that letter" or "That didn't happen because of a miscommunication between Lala and me." And it was true, I'd contact Lala about something, and it wouldn't happen. I always figured it got lost somewhere.
But after a while, that gets old. And one of the youth called me on it. Well, R said, why don't the two of you learn to communicate?
And he had a really good point. What what happens when another adult blames another role model for 'getting in the way'? Without having the right to reprimand another adult, how do I make it clear that you just can't do that in front of these guys and gals?
Or what do I do when something gets cancelled?
Some of these challenges are things that I think about often. I never want to blame anyone else. But again, I don't want them to ever think I gave less than my all...

Youth Expectations

2008-08-12T19:18:00.000-07:00

This evening, we (the youth and I) had a great meeting. Our agenda listed discussing the quote of the week (one of the youth finds a quote in an empowering book and we all discuss it), announcements, and then some project selection and planning. And then, celebrating 2 birthdays in the group.
I thought it was going to be a pretty routine evening. Although these guys and gals never cease to amaze me, I really thought it'd be a very focused evening.
But no.
It started with the quote discussion, which was about generosity, and how true generosity really felt as though it had no cost with it. It was really interesting to hear how they, mostly young people coming from very low-income families, viewed generosity. And it seemed as though they all really thought that you should never feel as though you had to be generous, because that in and of itself was an oxymoron. They decided you can't be generous if you feel as though it is a burden.
Generosity, H said, is the lack of greed. The absence of greed. Therefore, you do it, simply because you WANT to do it for the other person.
What an observation.
Then on to project planning. We began discussing the audience for our next project - young people or adults. We began talking about a certain kind of class and teachers. And the next moment, the youth began describing situations in which they believe teachers did not expect enough of them.
Teachers, S said, should challenge us. They should expect more of us. Regardless of the subject. You don't do English homework in Math class. So you shouldn't have any other class in which you can do homework for another class, not even gym.
I shared some thoughts on how some people just choose to do the bare minimum in life, to be able to skate through. And that some students, just might be, the same way.
That, to these young people, was unacceptable. Adults should expect much out of them. And always challenge them.
Now I know, to... :)

Sometimes even the toughest people need help...

2008-08-09T20:23:00.001-07:00

I know a young person, who, on the outside, is the most confident, strident, intelligent and tough person. One who seems to never need any endearing, one who doesn't need to be complimented, one who doesn't ask for anything but honesty and respect.
And so, it is easy to overlook the moodiness in this young person, it is easy to miss the slight admissions of imperfection, it is easy to explain away the grumblings. Because when they happen, they are soooo fleeting. This young person doesn't harp on anything, good or bad. S/He doesn't complain, doesn't mind when I ask her/him to do one more task on top of his/her heavy work and school loads.S/ He doesn't even flinch when someone else asks him/her, don't you have time for another job.
This young person seems to have it all - and to need for nothing, in self-esteem, that is.
So how easy it is to get hung up on moulding, supporting and encouraging the young ones with less self-confidence, with less self-esteem, with fewer juggling abilities. And it is easy to forget that 'need' is something quite different than 'wants' or 'should haves'.
I recently looked this strong, stable young person in the eye, and I simply said "Thank you. Thank you for being a part of this. Thank you for all your efforts. Have I ever told you how much I appreciate you." And the look in those eyes, was something I don't think I've ever seen before. It may just have been a flash - of relief, or emotion, but I think it was more than a flash.
The hug I got in return, was stronger and more emotional. And I remembered then, oh yeah, being strong isn't always easy, and we don't always do it by choice. Sometimes our families's situations call on us to be so, or the world around us expects it. But that doesn't mean that we don't need that extra thank you, or that extra hug. Because sometimes, it just happens to be that extra little gesture, reminds that strong person, that even they can be emotional. That even they can need support.
And it reminds me that sometimes I need to focus on those who seem to have it all in check.

The quality of youth

2008-08-06T06:18:00.000-07:00

Our group's meeting last night was centered on fun...The youth have all worked so hard this summer, that we decided it was time we just spent some quality time together. I left it up to one of them to decide what we were going to do - and choose he did. Although the group was smaller than usual, there were still 10 of us sitting around a dinner table at a local Chinese place.
One of the surprising things to me was that he chose something 'normal', a local place that they'd all eaten at before. It wasn't anything fancy, although it was nice enough. And dinner - what a great way to connect with one another in a way that is completely non-threatening to everyone in the group, and that allows for equal air-time for all!
I lost count of how many times the youth asked me if they really didn't have to pay. I assured them they didn't - they'd worked hard enough and saved enough money that the group's money would pay for dinner - I'd made sure of that. And they all asked "Is it ok if I order this" or "Will it be too much if I order that"? It was quite endearing.
The most endearing thing, however, was when each of them, when they needed to be excused from the table, asked me whether they could be excused. Who said today's youth don't have any manners?! I was kind of shocked the first time, but by the end of the night it became a joke, when even I asked to be excused.
Coming back from the ladies room, I could hear them all laughing and joking across the restaurant. And I noticed that no one seemed to mind. When I returned to the table, they all pretended to be talking about something I wasn't allowed to hear about. Ha! As if!
What a great feeling - to be out and about with them, with them being completely engaging and interacting with one another, regardless of who was better friends with whom.
These are the qualities I'm grateful for, and for which I'll take them out on my own dime anytime! :)

What's in a role model?

2008-07-31T06:59:00.001-07:00

Three and a half years ago, I embarked on a journey. Simply said, it was to work my way out of a job. I was a substance abuse prevention coordinator at the time, and I wanted and needed to start a group for youth who were willing to help out. We began meeting one a week (even during the summer months – their choice!). We were small at first, mostly a group of 4 young men and a young woman, from a variety of racial and ethnic backgrounds, but who all know one another quite well. These young men were between 15 and 16 years old. They were a little green then, but over time, our relationship grew, and they began to take the lead. The young woman was a little older than the young men, at 17, and she was their voice of reason. From the beginning, I was adamant that whatever we did, they came up with the ideas and helped put plans together. I’d help them, coach them along, and remind them what the group’s overall goals were, and sometimes we’d stumble. But we always got right back up again.
Over the next 3 years, things changed. We grew in numbers. I changed full-time jobs, but continued working with them. We met challenges. They all finished high school, and some don’t even live in the neighborhood any more. We’ve developed, and our programs and projects have changed over time.
They’ve all gone on to either college or working full-time. Yet every week, these five young adults come back to the small office we started in, and lead the other 14 youth through project planning and implementation. They guide them, they facilitate the meetings, and most importantly, they inspire them. They’re excellent role models. Yet they are all drastically different. “F” is very creative and can’t be on time for anything. Yet a few weeks ago, he called me to say that I was late, and he was early. “J” takes on a lot of responsibility, but has learned out to delegate. “A” still struggles with his role with us, but is the calming presence, learning how to not take constructive criticism personally. And “D” has learned that he can’t do it all himself. And our young woman, “L”, has blossomed into an even more responsible adult, who does all the background research and (successfully) applies for grants for the group.
Last week, these 5 young people said to me “You’ve worked your way out of a job.” And I have. I’m still there, providing some of the logistical support. But they do the planning. They come up with the proposals. And they role model for the younger ones. They tell me that I’ve had a profound influence on their lives, I’m their asset role model. And the tears welled in my eyes. And I realized it was quite the opposite. They didn’t work me out of a job, they worked themselves into a job, and they became my role models.